Holding
by Jazmin
Summary: Tsukino Usagi arrives at Chiba Mamoru's school, tempting with her coldness, defiance, and...unreachable love.
1. Prologue

Title: Holding - prologue  
Author: Henra  
Email: HenraM@tuxedomask.com  
Rated: PG  
  
*screams* I know! I know! I can't help it, either, you know!  
Whew. Another starting of series…heehee…haha….  
Oh yeah…I'm trying to do something…unusual in this serial stories  
--trying to make it different than my other series stories. And…I hope   
I can…  
  
Disclaimer: All right, people--I do not own Sailor Moon!   
  
All right. Let's get on with the story now.  
  
  
  
He didn't know what came over him.   
The girl was definitely not someone to get attracted to.  
But he was.   
He could feel it.  
Damn.  
  
Prologue - Alert   
  
Talking.   
  
That was what he and his two other friends were doing before the   
teacher came in…and she came in.  
  
Then, all talking stopped. The classroom became dead silent.  
  
Everyone was looking to the front of the room.   
  
A girl was standing beside the teacher. Average height, blond hair…  
and wearing a very cool expression on her face.  
  
"We have a new student."   
  
Murmurs were heard. He saw the girl narrow her blue eyes to the   
direction where the small noise came from. Immediately, it was silence   
again.  
  
He looked at her, studied her, wondered who she was.  
  
Cold.  
  
That was the first word that came to mind.   
  
"This is Tsukino Usagi."   
  
It was only then did the cold expression on her face melted a bit.   
It looked like there was a smile…but it was gone too soon to really tell.   
  
"Usagi, there's an empty seat over there behind Sairu."  
  
Her eyes swept over to the desk. She walked toward it, face blank,   
an eyebrow raised.  
  
He didn't look at her. He could feel her presence from the other   
row behind him.   
  
It was weird. The class had never even been close to being this   
quiet before.   
  
He glanced at her.  
  
Beautiful.  
  
That was the second word.  
  
* * *  
  
"So what do you guys think of her?"   
  
"Definitely not your usual type of blond."   
  
He walked along with his friends, listening…but silent.  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"I don't know. Just--you can tell by just looking at her. She seems   
so…weird."   
  
"I noticed THAT part."  
  
"What about you, Mamoru? What do you think of her?"   
  
He looked at his friend. His lips curled into a smirk. "I'd like to   
get to know her."   
  
Motoki let out a small grin. "Just like everyone else in this whole   
school."  
  
Mamoru shrugged. He was a challenger. "So? But it's not like everyone   
else's going to get her attention."   
  
His friend arched an eyebrow. "And you're saying that you are?"  
  
He half-smiled, and said easily, "Let's just see, shall we? Let's   
just see…and then you'll know."   
  
"I've heard rumors, you know. That she was kicked out from her old   
school."   
  
He frowned at Sairu. "Where did you hear that?"   
  
"You know, people."   
  
Motoki shook his head. "Some things people say aren't true, you   
know."   
  
Sairu grinned. "Some are."   
  
Mamoru looked at the sky.  
  
So blue today.   
  
Sort of like her eyes. Her beautiful eyes.  
  
"Yo! Mamoru! What you dreaming about today?"   
  
He looked at his friend. He stared at him, half-smiling again.   
"Everything, Motoki. Absolutely everything…I'm dreaming about…all."   
  
Motoki and Sairu exchanged a look of knowing. There he goes again.   
  
Mamoru noticed the exchange, but ignored it.   
  
There was no time for explanations to his weird friends today.   
  
Today he saw a girl. A beautiful…but cold girl.   
  
And he was determined.   
  
He smiled. And continued to walk silently, hardly even noticing his   
two friends behind him. Oh yeah, he was determined. He would win her.   
  
Definitely.   
  
And how was he going to do it?   
  
Easy.   
  
He would do it by acknowledging her…yet ignoring her at the same   
time.   
  
He smiled again. He never smiled on Mondays. Yet he fully smiled   
twice already. And all because of her.   
  
Hmmm. Wasn't she something.  
  
***   
  
???   
Well, that's the end for the prologue. Stay tuned for part 1…okay?   
And according to my calculations…^^…it will probably take some time until   
part one is out. 'Cause, you know…all my other stories need time to work   
on, too.   
  
God! I shouldn't have started this!   
…  
But I couldn't help it.   
Heh.   
  
=Henra.  
  
Visit my website: http://www6.brinkster.com/moonieround  
  



	2. Part 1

Holding - part 1  
By Henra  
HenraM@tuxedomask.com   
PG rated  
  
It has been a long time since the prologue until this part was   
done. Almost year, really. *smiles sheepishly* But this is a story   
that needed some…deep thinking. ^-^ Hope you like it. And remember to   
email me afterwards!  
  
Disclaimer: The usual. Whoever says that Sailor Moon legally belongs   
to me, I'll give whoever a million dollars.   
  
  
  
So she was different.  
So she wasn't his type.  
So he knew he shouldn't like her.  
…  
So he fell for her anyways.  
  
Part one   
  
"Got a nice sleep?" Motoki asked, as he and Mamoru were walking   
to class that following Tuesday.   
  
"No, ya think?" Mamoru stifled a yawn. Probably the tenth time   
this morning. He let the gathered tears die down in his eyes, and   
rubbed them as they ached.   
  
Motoki laughed. "Why not?"  
  
"I just couldn't fall asleep. Don't ask me why." Mamoru shot a   
direct gaze at his companion.   
  
Motoki shrugged, careless.   
  
"Is she here?" A sudden question burst out of his mouth   
suddenly, surprising both himself and Motoki. His blue eyes, though,   
glanced around, as if she could be spotted immediately.   
  
"That Usagi girl?"  
  
"Uh-huh." No sign of her, and he turned back to his friend, a   
bit disappointed.   
  
"Yeah, of course she is. This is only her second day, you know.   
Why you ask?"   
  
"Nothing. I'm just curious."   
  
He walked with the crowd that was going toward the same   
direction he was, and stayed silent. He could see a few people   
lingering around lockers, communicating in lowered voices. A frown   
formed between his brows, followed by the tensing of his jaw.   
Something was different in the air this morning.  
  
They walked in the classroom--surprised stillness. When it   
used to buzz with noises every morning, never one day of quiet   
allowed. Yet today, it was so silent a drop of pin could be heard.   
  
He saw her immediately, be it his subtle vision or just chance.   
People were looking at her between words, trying not be obvious, but   
actually were.  
  
He motioned Motoki toward where Usagi was with his head. Right   
across from his desk, giving him the perfect view to look at her   
profile without having to twist his head. Motoki cast a brief glance   
at her, and then took his seat behind Mamoru.   
  
The teacher walked in. Eyes turned toward her. There was a   
different expression on her face--surprised mixed with actual   
happiness. Happy, Mamoru guessed, that her first class of the day was   
actually quiet for a change.   
  
"Morning, everyone. I'll take attendance."  
  
Mamoru watched Usagi from the corner of his eyes with practiced   
ease. She seemed serene and docile, sitting there like a good little   
girl. A smile grazed his lips, thinking of just how different she had   
acted yesterday.   
  
Then, by magic, with a turn of her head, she was suddenly   
gazing directly into his eyes. He felt his cheeks heat up slowly   
as he watched her eyes rake over him. Instant uneasiness sprang up   
inside, but he sat, frozen. He stayed there, and met her gaze evenly   
when her eyes glanced up at his face again.   
  
She cocked a thin, dark blondish eyebrow and then turned back,   
as if nothing had happened.  
  
He cleared his throat, and it took a moment before he regained   
posture. He took out a notebook out of his backpack--his doodling   
book.  
  
Scribbling was his favorite thing to do, especially when in   
need of a distraction.   
  
It was not after five minutes, after the sharp sound of a book   
falling to the floor, did he notice what he just scrawled. Usagi's   
initial. T.U. He had even drawn little arches and things around,   
decorating it.   
  
He tore the paper out of the notebook, suddenly irritated and   
angry. He crumpled it into a ball, and into the desk it went.   
  
He looked at the fresh page. With complete blankness in his   
mind, he stared. His hand ached, wanting. He picked up his pen   
again.  
  
"Mamoru, would you like to show the class what you're drawing?"  
  
His eyes became wide as he looked up. Oh shit. First time he   
had ever been caught. He must've made a sound somehow. "Actually,   
ma'am, it's not that important. I was just…"  
  
"Doodling?" Her eyes pierced into his, stern and emotionless.  
  
His cheeks flushed. "I'm sorry, ma'am."   
  
"Well, I'd appreciate it if you at least pretend my class is   
interesting."  
  
He hanged his head, silent.  
  
"You can't blame him."   
  
Heads turned to the new voice--feminine, cool, direct.  
  
Usagi. He knew it was she. His eyes narrowed amusedly.  
  
Haruna-sensei's, however, widened dangerously. "Tsukino, you have   
something to say?"   
  
A corner of Usagi's lips turned up. "You seem stunned. No   
offense, but it IS very hard to pretend that your class is   
fascinating." Her tone was light, carefree, as if she was giving   
compliments instead of delivering hidden insults.   
  
A few chuckles rose.  
  
A mixture of shock and hurt appeared on Haruna-sensei's face.   
"Excuse me?" She choked out.   
  
"You heard what I said." Usagi's eyes seemed to laugh.   
  
Mamoru didn't know whether to feel amused or appalled. His eyes   
locked on her.  
  
A rather strained sound of throat clearing came from Haruna-sensei.   
She was, clearly, struggling to stay cool. "I will excuse your behavior   
this time, Usagi, since you're new. Now let's go back to our   
lesson." She looked down at her book.  
  
"You heard what the girl said--this class is boring!" Someone   
shouted. The source was from the back of the room--Yushiga. Here was a   
person who would take any chance to cause a disturbance.  
  
Mamoru thought Haruna-sensei was going to cry. He looked at Usagi.   
She was fixed on staring at Yushiga.  
  
"I can't help what you think of this class, Yushiga, but I do   
know that some students would like to continue to learn, so be   
quiet--"  
  
"Who would want to learn? I would like to know!" Yushiga's voice   
boomed over the classroom.  
  
More chuckles.  
  
Mamoru saw Haruna-sensei's eyes--tears almost spilling. He looked   
back at Usagi again. She had a smirk on her face. He frowned. Second   
thoughts about her were filling his head.  
  
Haruna-sensei took a sharp intake of breath. "Well. I'm sorry that   
you don't feel like getting a decent education, Yushiga, but you don't   
speak for other students." She seemed like she took control of herself.   
  
"I think I do!"   
  
"Yushiga, if you don't be quiet right now--"  
  
"You'll have me stand outside?" The cocky smile of Yushiga's was   
getting wider--and also getting on Mamoru's nerves.   
  
"All right, the fun's over. We're hurting her, can't you see?"   
Usagi spoke, just as Mamoru was about to open his mouth. Her words,   
although the right ones for the moment, still sounded mocking.  
  
Yushiga stopped talking, his grin gone. His eyes were directed   
at Usagi. His face--never before seen respect.   
  
Haruna-sensei seemed shaky.   
  
"Haruna-sensei…you can continue your lesson now," Motoki said   
suddenly, in a comforting voice.  
  
"Thank you…Motoki…but I think…excuse me, everyone." Haruna-sensei   
walked out. Her purse was left on the desk--she never went anywhere   
without it.   
  
"All right, yeah!" Yushiga yelled out ruthlessly, along with a   
few others.  
  
Mamoru threw a glance in Usagi's direction, and was shocked   
when he saw a smug smile on her face. He turned back, and stared at   
his desk. He was wrong about her.   
  
She wasn't his type at all.  
  
Someone stood up. "Don't you feel ashamed, Yushiga? God, what's   
wrong with you people? You are going to get in trouble for this, you   
know--don't think you won't. Haruna-sensei's probably going to the   
principal right at this moment to suspend you."   
  
"Hey!" Yushiga's face was flushed in anger. "Some of us would   
like to take a break from that Haruna-sensei! She's too tense and   
uptight! Thank god she figured out now that she needs to change." He   
suddenly smiled at Usagi. "And it's all because of Tsukino right   
here…"  
  
Mamoru looked at Usagi, hoping.   
  
"I can't take all the credit…" Usagi shrugged, smiling back at   
Yushiga.  
  
Mamoru turned back, sick.  
  
* * *   
  
"Boy, did I thought that Tsukino Usagi wrong…" Motoki started.   
"She looked harmless."   
  
Mamoru didn't reply.   
  
Only the phrase "shocked beyond belief" could suit his feeling.  
  
He had made a huge mistake by falling for her.   
  
A murmur rose in the air.   
  
Usagi walked in with Yushiga--his arm was draped around her.   
  
Jealousy. Mamoru's eyes glued to the couple. Motoki tugged at   
him, questioning. He had questions, too--and who could answer them?   
  
They were in the same class again?   
  
He watched as the two took seats. He stared at the back of her   
blond head, and felt sudden hatred.   
  
It was only the fourth class. Barely on her second day.   
  
And she already hooked up with Yushiga.   
  
He knew. Instantly, he knew that she was trouble. Any girl who   
wouldn't see through Yushiga--or had and didn't care--was no good.   
  
He tore his gaze away--he couldn't think about her. WOULDN'T   
think about her. He reached his hand into his backpack, and felt a   
flutter of excitement, fingering the spiral notebook with his wanting   
hands. Doodling. There was no better comfort.   
  
Cautiously, and even more cautiously, he pulled it out, and   
placed it gently down on his desk."What are you doing?" A feminine   
voice.  
  
He tensed. He didn't turn his head. "None of your business."   
The person was sitting right behind him.   
  
Her tone wasn't getting any softer. "The teacher might notice,   
you know."  
  
"Didn't I just SAY it was none of your business?" He lowered his   
voice, his tone threatening.   
  
No more sound.  
  
He waited. Then, satisfied, he started to scribble a face. He   
was no artist, he knew, but he could capture a person's features. At   
least, he thought he could, since people knew who the faces were   
anytime he showed them.   
  
Every few seconds or so he would look up, just to check, his   
heart in his throat. Hell, he didn't want to get caught again. Of   
course, whenever the teacher's gaze swept toward his direction, it   
was easy to just place his elbows on the notebook, and paste on a   
thoughtful expression.  
  
He was an expert at it. It was no problem for him to pass   
classes. A couple of hours of cramming before tests, and he could ace   
them. No problem at all.   
  
A grin spread across his features. The face was beginning to   
look more and more like Motoki. He wasn't even conscious that he was   
roughly sketching his friend.   
  
"Is that Motoki?"   
  
Same person. Mamoru turned around, curious, with a raised   
eyebrow. He had never bothered to care who sat behind him in any   
classes.  
  
A girl. Big baby blue eyes with a friendly glint in them, long   
light blond hair, tied back with a red bow. His heart flipped,   
realizing how much she looked like Usagi. Who was she? He never even   
noticed her before. "You know Motoki?" he asked, interested.  
  
She nodded, smiling. "We're very good friends. I know he's in   
your crowd. But he and I hardly hang out together--that's why you   
don't know me."   
  
He smiled back. "I'm Chiba Mamoru."  
  
"Aino Minako."   
  
"Sorry about what happened a few minutes ago."   
  
"Don't be. I was just watching for you, you know--I really don't   
want you to get caught."   
  
"Thanks. I thought you were just being too nosy."   
  
"I am. Sometimes."   
  
He grinned.   
  
"Aino and Chiba--I can hear you talking."   
  
An apologetic look was directed from him to her, and he turned   
back around. He lowered his head, since the teacher was staring at   
him. He placed his elbows down on top of the pages.  
  
But as the lesson went on, he still couldn't resist the   
overwhelming urge. Focusing on the notebook, he scribbled and sketched   
until a clear face of Motoki's stared back. Smiling, he briefly   
motioned for Minako to see. She rolled her eyes, but nodded approval.   
He grinned, a silly one that he always showed when someone liked his   
work.   
  
Then, he felt a pair of eyes on him, and his eyes involuntarily   
went to meet the gaze.  
  
Usagi. She was looking right at him. He suppressed the urge to   
react, since he had no idea what she was up to. He couldn't be too   
careful.   
  
She studied him for a few more seconds, this time directly at   
his face, then, with a cool smile on her lips, turned away. Just like   
before.   
  
He drew in a shaky breath. Then he cursed himself. She was just   
a new girl--what was his deal? Except, of course--he had vowed to have   
her as soon as he saw her.   
  
How crazy he had been. And how crazy he was now, still wanting   
to keep that vow.  
  
  
* * *   
  
"Where are you off to?"   
  
Mamoru glanced at Motoki briefly. "Home."  
  
"Come hang out with us down at the park."   
  
"I don't think so. I need to catch up on some work. There's a   
test tomorrow."   
  
"Usagi'll be there."   
  
He froze. Staring at Motoki with surprised eyes, he asked   
suspiciously, "How do you know?"  
  
"How else? Yushiga was gloating about it. I think he really   
likes her." Motoki laughed, but eyed Mamoru carefully. "She really   
caught his attention when she gave that blow to Haruna-sensei."  
  
Instant jealousy. Trying to shake it off, a smile was forced   
upon his face. "That's nice. I think they fit each other, actually."   
The words took all his strength.  
  
"Uh-huh, sure." Definite sarcasm in Motoki's voice.  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Whatever, okay? I'm going home."   
  
"Come on, Mamoru! Practically everyone's gonna be there--you   
know can't miss it."   
  
"What's so special about today, anyway?"   
  
Silence. Then, with a surprised voice, "Hello? It's Yushiga's   
birthday, remember? He never permits any of his friends to not   
celebrate it with him together."   
  
A groan. Mamoru scowled, knowing there was no way out. "Fine, I   
have to go then."  
  
"Good. You know, we're all fortunate that Yushiga despises   
gifts--otherwise half of us wouldn't be coming."   
  
They walked off together toward the park, which was only down   
the block. Backpacks were slung over their shoulders, and different   
expressions were on their faces--one, with excitement, the other--  
obligation.   
  
Mamoru thought about how it would really blacken Usagi's   
reputation if words spread around that she was with Yushiga. Yushiga   
was considered popular, but not the kind of popularity that had him   
liked by all his friends. Mamoru then frowned. She probably already   
lost some respect by what she pulled on Haruna-sensei. It wasn't a major   
loss, but she could've acted better on her second day.   
  
Motoki waved a hand in the air and Mamoru's thoughts were   
immediately interrupted by loud cries of "Hey you're here!" He pasted   
a grin on his face, and involuntarily, the first thing he noticed was   
Usagi, actually sitting on Yushiga's lap, with a stone bench beneath.   
"All right, did we miss the birthday song?" He asked, with surprised   
evenness in his voice. Walking up the grass, he looked around, and   
nodded hellos to friends.   
  
"You're late, but not that late. Since most of you are here,   
why don't you sing it now?" Yushiga's voice boomed over crowd noises,   
and eyes, shining with amusement, turned to him.   
  
"So who's going to start us?" Sairu spoke up.  
  
"I will." Usagi's light voice caught attention.   
  
Low cries of whoos echoed through the area.   
  
She smiled, and got up. As she started the first verse, her   
clear and sweet voice wiped away all sardonic looks on faces. Mamoru   
stared in amazement, wondering how she could sound one thing and   
behave like another.   
  
Everyone then joined in, and Mamoru noticed Yushiga staring at   
Usagi deeply. He swallowed the sour taste in his mouth, and finished   
the song with a slight unpleasant voice. Luckily, no one noticed. He   
clapped along with others, a grin fixed on his lips.   
  
"It's time to open presents now. Where are they?" Usagi   
inquired, her blue eyes darting around the area blankly. "How come   
there's none in sight?"  
  
Mamoru looked at her, thinking how remarkable it was that she   
seemed to take control so easily. Especially when she practically   
knew no one. He cleared his throat, and focused on Yushiga, wondering   
what he had to reply.  
  
"That's because I don't really like presents…" He said slowly,   
half-smiling.   
  
"Nonsense! Who doesn't like presents?"   
  
"Yeah, well--that's just me. Why don't we start playing some   
games?" Yushiga turned his attention away, and raised his eyebrows,   
questioning wordlessly.   
  
Usagi frowned, and continued to look at Yushiga, a focused   
curious gaze. Then, as if giving up, she shrugged and glanced away.   
  
Mamoru rolled his eyes, bored. He never liked these so-called   
"games" of Yushiga's. It always somehow involved violence. But it   
would probably be different today. Mamoru eyed the few girls in the   
area, hoping Yushiga took time to think about them.   
  
"How about Spin the Bottle?" Hino Rei, who was standing beside   
Motoki, suggested casually.   
  
Mamoru made a face in disgust. It went unnoticed to him that   
Yushiga saw it. Taking a few seconds to consider, Yushiga then   
declared, "Truth or Dare."   
  
"Why am I not surprised?" Rei grumbled, shifting.   
  
Everyone made a circle on the grass automatically, setting   
butts down the soft green carpet-like ground. Yushiga spoke up, a   
smile crawling across his face, "I'll go first. Usagi--truth or dare?"   
  
Heads turned to her, and she crossed her arms boldly. "Truth."   
  
"Were you really kicked out of your last school?"   
  
"No. That's just a stupid rumor."   
  
A nod from Yushiga. "Fair enough. Your pick."   
  
Her eyes directed at Mamoru, and a nervous feeling tugged at   
him repulsively, though he stared back, his shoulders squared. Her   
mouth turned up for a smirk, and then she turned away, fastening her   
gaze on Rei. "Truth or dare?"   
  
Rei lifted her chin, mustering courage. "Truth."   
  
"Who do you like?" A direct question, no hesitancy.   
  
Mamoru uttered a small silent sigh of relief. God helped him if   
she had asked him that question. His eyes curiously wandered to Rei--  
she always seemed like the tough type of girl. It would be   
incredulous if she had feelings for any guy. But no matter. He waited   
for her answer, as did everyone else.   
  
A blush covered her cheeks, and she pursed her lips.   
  
"You picked it. Now answer, please," Usagi commanded quietly.   
  
"Ma…Mamoru." The faintest quiver detected in Rei's voice.  
  
Stunned silence.   
  
Mamoru felt a sudden head rush, and his eyes could only burn   
into Rei's, dumbfounded. She averted his gaze, her blush deepening.   
  
"Well, well, well," Usagi said, her smug smile barely visible.   
  
"I bet no one had any idea, huh?" She glanced around, and upon   
hearing no replies, smiled, satisfied.   
  
Mamoru frowned as he concentrated back on Usagi. She looked as   
if she knew all along. But that was impossible. It was only her   
second day; she hadn't talked to Rei yet, let alone be a confidant   
of hers. What was Usagi's real deal, exposing this?   
  
"Rei, I believe it's your turn now."   
  
Rei snapped to attention, and her eyes glanced at every other   
pair except Mamoru's. "Motoki." She picked at last. "Truth or dare?"   
  
Motoki smiled nervously, and then muttered out a simple, "Dare."  
  
Yushiga whistled, and remarked loudly, "Give him something good,   
Rei!"   
  
Rei smirked, a dangerous flame in her eyes. "I dare you…to slap   
Usagi."   
  
Mamoru's heart practically stopped. Holy shit. What was she   
doing? He shifted wide eyes to Motoki, no idea what his friend's   
decision would be. Sensing his gaze, Motoki turned to him, but only   
stared back, helpless. This time it wasn't Yushiga who started being   
personal, much to Mamoru's surprise. He had never expected Rei.   
  
"Hello? Did you hear what I said?" Impatience clearly in Rei's   
voice.   
  
Just as everyone waited, breathless, Usagi broke the silence.   
"Go ahead, Motoki--you know the reason why Rei wants you to." She   
turned her big eyes to the raven-haired girl. "She's just mad that I   
made her confess." Her gaze never wavered as the words rolled out.   
  
Motoki still sat, hesitant, torn. "Usagi, I…"   
  
"Go ahead. Didn't I just give you permission? This way, you   
won't make Rei mad, or make me seethe." Usagi smiled.   
  
Mamoru looked at her, admiration shining in his eyes. He knew   
exactly what she was doing. And how smart she was.   
  
Motoki shakily stood up, and then made his way across the human   
circle to Usagi. He did as he was told. His ears were red as he turned   
away, an apology on his lips.   
  
Yushiga let out another low whistle, but this time--no excitement   
or anxiousness. "Damn, Rei, what's wrong on with you? You're not that   
embarrassed that Mamrou knows you have a crush on him, are you? I   
mean, come on--I knew all this time."   
  
At that, Rei's eyes became round. She clasped a hand over her   
mouth, her gaze turned away.   
  
Mamoru swallowed, uncomfortable. "All right, all right--who's   
next?"   
  
"I believe it's my choice now," Motoki replied, an unsteady   
note in his voice. He lifted his eyes to Usagi, and asked, "Truth or   
dare, Usagi?"  
  
No indecision. "Truth."   
  
Motoki considered. Then, shrugging carelessly, asked, "Why did   
you choose to come to this school?"  
  
"That's not fair. These questions for Usagi are so simple they   
don't need a game like this to be answered." Rei's stern voice cut   
in, harshness in her eyes.   
  
"To reply to your question, Motoki," Usagi continued, unfazed,   
"I didn't have a choice. My dad's job transferred him here. We had to   
follow." She looked at Rei bleakly for a moment, and her gaze then   
traveled to Mamoru. She smiled, and spoke, "I'll pick Mamoru this   
time. So what's it gonna be?"   
  
Mamoru straightened up. "Since it's most challenging, I'll pick   
dare," he replied easily.  
  
Her smile widened. "Then…I dare you to kiss me." At the sound   
of Rei's stunned gasp, her eyes danced enjoyably. "Well?"   
  
There was a frog in his throat. He knew it was because of Rei   
that she had asked this. Telling himself to act cool, he smiled back   
charmingly. "How can I reject?" He got up casually, and pulled her   
over, but hesitated when he looked right into her face.   
  
"Are you willing to chicken out?" She asked softly, a step   
closer.   
  
Boldness filled him at her words. "No." He cupped her face in   
his hand, and leaned in with one swift attempt. Her lips were soft,   
warm, but she kissed him back with such a force that he knew she was   
deliberately putting on a show. A show just for Rei. Yet there was   
also something else in her kiss. Challenge. Daring him to back away.   
He wanted to smile. She was so different.   
  
When they broke apart, what awaited them was a muted crowd.   
  
Usagi smiled and spoke, "Well. I got more than I hoped for."   
Calmly, she walked back to her spot next to Yushiga, and sat down.   
  
"Your pick, Mamoru." There was an edge in Yushiga's voice.   
  
Knowing he had no other choice, especially faced with Yushiga's   
death glare, Mamoru inquired quietly. "Yushiga--your pick?"   
  
"Dare." Yushiga's eyes flashed.   
  
No other alternative. "I dare you to kiss Usagi," he said   
simply.   
  
He ignored the brief surprise and amusement evident in Usagi's   
eyes. He could only wait patiently as Yushiga enveloped her with   
predicted ardor.   
  
  
"Nice move--by that dare to Yushiga, you saved yourself the   
trouble of being beaten up," Motoki remarked, after the crowd had   
scattered.   
  
Mamoru shrugged indifferently. "I'm not afraid of him anyhow."   
He glanced at Yushiga momentarily. He was standing so close to Usagi.   
Mamoru picked up his backpack, and turned to go. "I'll see you in   
class?"   
  
Motoki nodded. "Sure. Got lots of cramming to do tonight?"   
  
Laughter bubbled in Mamoru's throat. "No one knows me like you   
do." He strolled off, an easy grin on his lips.   
  
The sun was setting, and he looked up to the sky as he walked,   
admiring the orange clouds. Perfect calmness gently rose in him.   
Something that he hadn't felt for too long. He enjoyed this, and   
slowed his pace, in no hurry at all to get home.   
  
Tsukino Usagi. He muttered the name softly, too soft for even   
his own ears to hear. Rabbits were supposed to be innocent creatures.   
Especially rabbits of the moon. Yet she wasn't innocent at all. Sure,   
she looked it, and could fool anyone, but he could see through that   
in a second.   
  
It was going to be hard trying to win her. He realized Yushiga   
was tough competition.   
  
And what was more challenging, Yushiga seemed like the type   
that Usagi would be interested in. Rough, ill-bred. And Mamoru knew   
he was definitely not known for that. But really, who was he to say?   
She was unpredictable. His lips curled. She was beautiful. And she   
was a challenger. It was more than he could ask for.   
  
"Dare I hope that you would like company?"   
  
He stopped short. Turning his eyes, he met her calm ocean blue   
ones. And they were calm. No hint of challenge or defiance.   
  
Usagi smiled, and stepped out of the grass. She pointed toward   
the direction he was heading. "My house is that way too."   
  
He nodded, and made a motion for her to step beside him. He   
expected his heart to pound, but somehow, the comforting sunset and   
her peaceful blue eyes had an affect on him. He was relaxed. More   
relaxed than he had ever been when in her presence.   
  
They walked quietly down the road.   
  
"So, about that dare." She grinned at him. "You know why I did   
it, right? To spite Rei. Is she always that rude, or is it just me?"  
  
His eyes sparkled with amusement. "She's tough. It's not very   
easy to befriend her. But once you break down that barrier, she's so   
great that you wonder something miraculous had taken place."   
  
"And she had Motoki slapping me!" Usagi laughed, a soft laugh   
that made Mamoru smile also. "I felt so sorry for Motoki. He looked   
as if he had eaten poison."   
  
"Rei's not always that direct with her feelings."   
  
"And I suppose the fact that she likes you have no effect on   
you?"   
  
"Why did you ask her that, anyway? You knew the answer." He   
raised the last note faintly.  
  
"I'm surprised that you realize. Yes, I did know. You see, I am   
a very good observer, and I know things that no one knows." She   
winked at him, her dark lashes fluttering down for just a moment.  
  
"Really. You still haven't answered why."   
  
"Because I felt that I needed to have the upper hand with her."   
  
"Oh."   
  
Peaceful silence.   
  
Then, her words suddenly appealed to him, and he became alarmed.   
'I know things that no one knows.'   
  
Did she know about him? His feelings, for her? He hoped that he   
never was obvious. But he couldn't be sure. There was no telling what   
his eyes might've given off when she glanced at him discreetly.   
  
"Usagi…"  
  
"Hmm?"   
  
His mind quickly changed. "Who named you anyway?"   
  
She raised an eyebrow at him. Subtle sharpness crept into her   
face. "Why do you ask that?"   
  
"Because…it doesn't really…fit you." Complete honesty. It was a   
risk, but he figured she wouldn't be offended.   
  
He was right. She swiftly grinned, and her face went back being   
carefree. "You're not the first one who said that. I'm not surprised.   
People tell me all the time that my features fit a description of a   
rabbit--innocent, naïve…but my personality is a whole different thing."  
  
"And you don't mind?"   
  
"I used to. But now I got over it. I can't help it, can I? Being   
me, I mean." She turned to stare at him as they walked.   
  
He shook his head, and focused his eyes on a faraway tree. "Of   
course not. It's in your blood."   
  
"Is it?"   
  
Her words were soft, and they sounded so doubtful. He looked at   
her, a tad confused.   
  
Then, a rather forced smile formed on her face, and she   
exhaled deeply. "Oh well. That's me. Love it or hate it."   
  
He kept silent.   
  
"Where do you live, anyway?" She suddenly asked, a few minutes   
later.  
  
It took a second before he registered her question. "Oh, I--"   
He glanced around. He stopped short. "I think I passed my turn." A   
mistake made by pure stupidity. Embarrassment flushed his cheeks   
slightly.   
  
She laughed. The sound would've made him cringe, but it wasn't   
derisive at all. It was light and understanding, as if this kind of   
thing happened to her all the time. The embarrassment slid away, and   
he smiled back, realizing just how funny how it was.   
  
"I was wondering where we were walking to."  
  
He looked at her. An amused gleam lit in his eyes. "You…so…you   
don't live here?"   
  
She laughed again. "I do. But I passed mine, too. I was thinking   
of going to your house and hide my mistake."   
  
He laughed also, and shook his head incredulously. "We gotta be   
more careful."   
  
She tilted her head, and wriggled her eyebrows. "You betcha."   
She turned ninety degrees. "Come on."   
  
He was careful to inspect the surroundings closely. It should be   
only five minutes until he reached his original turn down the street.   
He asked abruptly, "Are you and Yushiga, you know, an item?"   
  
She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. "Do we look like   
it?"  
  
"I don't know. You sat on his lap."  
  
Laughter ringing in his ears. "And that means we're together?   
What kind of stuff do they teach you at this school?"   
  
Slight irritation grew in him. "Gee, sorry. Didn't know you   
minded this much."  
  
"Oh no, I don't. I just think it's weird--I'm just flirting with   
Yushiga, and people take us as a couple. Don't be offended." Her tone   
was unruffled, and to him, it sounded like she didn't give a damn   
whether or not he had taken offense.   
  
He straightened, and walked the rest in silence.   
  
"Here's my street." His voice was wooden.   
  
"Okay. I still need to walk about two minutes further. Looks   
like I live closer to the school."   
  
"Guess so." He paused. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"   
  
A brief flash of smile. "Of course. Thanks for walking me home."   
  
"But I didn't. Not really." Could his voice be any more stiff?  
  
She didn't seem to notice. "Well…then thanks for ALMOST walking   
me home." Another wink and she was off.   
  
And as he stood there, looking at her back, a realization came   
to him.   
  
She could be warm if she wanted to. He knew she could. All that   
rebelliousness was an act. Maybe not all of it, but he knew the real   
her wasn't what she was presenting to the world. How he saw, he didn't   
know.   
  
But her name was Usagi. No one would've named her that if there   
were no real innocence in her.   
  
  
***  
  
So how was it?   
  
Try Me is complete, and I know Only Her should be my next goal, but I   
just had to get this down.   
  
Please email me your comments!   
  
Moonieround - http://www6.brinkster.com/moonieround 


	3. Part 2

Holding - part 2  
By Henra  
HenraM@tuxedomask.com  
PG rated  
  
Yes, yes, there is a part two after all! Lol. But seriously, I   
didn't take THAT long…   
  
Part two's gonna have some background information--I think   
(and hope) that you'll know how Mamoru's life basically is like   
afterwards.   
  
  
Visit my website, please!   
http://www6.brinkster.com/moonieround  
  
  
  
A whole new start…  
Done in by a mistake…  
He was happy.  
She seemed to be…  
Seemed. To be.   
  
Part two  
  
"Hello?" Mamoru said into the phone, sitting down tiredly.   
  
"Hello, is Ami there?" Feminine voice. Soft, respectful.  
  
Mamoru frowned. "I think you got the wrong number. There's no Ami   
here." His hand still curled around the receiver.   
  
For some reason--perhaps a certain inner voice, stopped him from   
saying goodbye. There was an odd familiarity about the person's voice.   
  
"Uh-sorry, I guess." Slight pause. No trying to hang up on her   
part, either.   
  
He racked his brain, hoping to come up with a face for the   
voice. His eyes widened as realization dawned. "U-Usagi?"   
  
"Mamoru?" The faintest laughter. "Is that you?"   
  
He chuckled, incredulous. "Yeah. I don't believe it. You've   
actually reached me without doing it consciously. What number does   
this Ami person have?"  
  
"2769022."   
  
"Pretty close. I have 2769922."   
  
"Incredible." She laughed lightly, saying the word with real   
astonishment.  
  
He shook his head slowly, disbelievingly, answering, "Yeah, I   
know. So, um--what's up?"   
  
"Nothing really--I just wanted to ask Ami about an assignment."   
  
"Oh. Is it urgent?"   
  
"Kinda. It's due tomorrow."  
  
He didn't want to get off the phone. At least, not before he got   
hold of her number. "What is the assignment? Maybe I can help."   
  
"Are you smart?"   
  
He lifted an eyebrow in surprise. Such a simple question, yet it   
puzzled him at the way she could throw skepticism into it and make him   
feel so inferior. He almost wanted to prove himself to her by informing   
her of his grades. He cleared his throat, drawing his voice. "Just tell   
me the problem. I'll see if I can help."   
  
Slight hesitation. "Okay. It's a math question."  
  
He grinned. Math was his best subject. "Shoot."   
  
Fifteen minutes passed by, and finally he heard the   
understanding in her voice. Breathing a sigh of relief, his shoulders   
relaxed, and he asked with a smile, "Got it?"   
  
"Yeah. I can't believe I didn't see it before…it seems so simple   
now," she breathed incredulously. There was silence for a few seconds,   
as he heard the quiet sound of lead scratching on paper.   
  
He used the moment to think of a correct way to ask her out.   
Unfortunately, there was no idea in his head--he hardly knew her, how   
was he supposed to tell what she liked? His brows scrunched together,   
and sweat dampened his hands.   
  
So into his thoughts, he didn't notice that she had spoken until   
the third time she called his name--impatiently. "Mamoru!"   
  
He snapped, jolted by the annoyance in her voice, and he quickly   
muttered an apology. "Sorry, I was thinking of something."   
  
"Something along the lines of…a girl?" Annoyance gone,   
playfulness in.   
  
His eyes lit up. What a perfect opening she had given, without   
knowing it. "Yes, actually."   
  
"Rei?"   
  
He frowned, confusion knocking at his head. "What? Rei? No,   
she's just a friend--I'm not interested in her that way." He tried to   
determine why Usagi would say Rei's name…had he shown any kind of a   
sign…?   
  
"Oh, right." Definite doubt. "But anyways, who is it then?"  
  
He moistened his lips. No trying to predict her reaction, he   
knew he would be wrong. "You would be surprised." He let his words   
be light.   
  
"No, I'm sure I wouldn't be."   
  
He was taken back by the force of certainty she expressed.   
Shaking himself clear of the surprise, he smiled and asked instead, "I   
wouldn't be so sure." He drew courage. "Are you going anywhere on   
Friday night?"   
  
"Are you asking me out?"   
  
"Maybe. I'm still trying to figure that out myself."   
  
"Well, don't," she replied shortly.   
  
"Why not?"   
  
"Because I'll say no."   
  
Slight hurt from her firm rejection made its cutting way into   
his heart. He swallowed the frog in his throat, forcing his tone to be   
relaxed. "Now that hurts me. Have I lost my charms?"   
  
"I don't know. Maybe I'm just immune to them." It was hard to   
tell whether she was joking or not.   
  
Again, hurt. Except this time it was deeper. He had always   
disliked girls who were quick with their mouths. Why was her case any   
different? Still, he pressed on, despite it all. "If I was Yushiga,   
would you have said yes?"   
  
"You're not Yushiga. I have no way of answering that question."   
Pure aloofness.   
  
He sighed. "Then…pretend. You can do that, can't you?" He had   
no idea why he kept dwelling on the subject--it was clear Usagi had   
sent her message.   
  
"Mamoru…you shouldn't go out with me. I'm not your type."   
  
He almost laughed out loud. That was exactly what was on his   
"cons" list--she hit right on target. "You've only known me for two   
days."  
  
"And I've already realized that the chance of us ending up   
together is next to zero."   
  
"Whoever said that all relationships last?" I must like her more   
than I think, he realized. He never had a conversation that lasted this   
long if he was asking a girl out.   
  
"You don't seem like the 'fling' type."  
  
"Again with the types. Why can't you just accept my invitation,   
like a normal person?" The question involuntarily rolled out of his   
mouth. He was annoyed that he had let his frustration slip through with   
it.   
  
She merely laughed. "Haven't you figured it out? I'm not normal.   
I'm sure your friends have talked about me, and specifically indicated   
that point."   
  
He remembered. And yes, they had. A half-smile spread across his   
face. "I have to hand it to you--you weren't kidding when you said you   
were a good observer."   
  
"It helps a lot with my life." And then she laughed, so genuine,   
so lighthearted, it went straight to his heart.   
  
He opened his lips to utter words, but she cut in, hurried.   
"Mom's calling me for dinner. I'll see you tomorrow." She clicked off.   
  
He sat staring at the phone in his hand, amazed at how she   
managed to slip away so quickly.   
  
Then he shook his head, a full smile stretching his lips   
helplessly.   
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Seven hundred dollars. Mamoru stared at the money for a moment,   
then stuffed it back in the envelope. He pulled open his desk drawer   
and placed the money under a pile of papers. Sighing, he sat down on   
the bed and closed his eyes.   
  
Right on time. He glanced over at the calendar hanging on his   
wall. Sunday. His aunt and uncle never missed it, almost as if they   
had a timer that went off on the first Sunday of every month, telling   
them to mail seven hundred dollars to their nephew.   
  
He got up and walked to the kitchen. He didn't need the money   
really--he had a job. A job that gave him enough money to last on his   
own. Yet, his aunt and uncle insisted. Always saying something like,   
"You're barely 17, you should be going out with your friends on the   
days you're supposed to work." Or, "We can take care of you--we're   
family."   
  
He rolled his eyes as he pulled out a cold soda. He popped the   
top, and gulped down practically one-third of it with one breath.   
Yeah, of course--with their money, he could buy more things, get more   
stuff that he liked and wanted--wouldn't have to save coupons like   
some madman. Sure, he could use the luxury, but he always felt as if   
he was in his aunt and uncle's debt. He didn't like that feeling.   
  
He always kept the seven hundred nonetheless, occasionally   
pulling out a hundred bill--but he always reported back to his aunt.   
Always told her how much he had used. He didn't like that, either--  
having to report to someone. His aunt had never asked him to, of   
course, but it was just something he started doing a long time ago,   
and it would seem weird stopping it all of a sudden.  
  
He finished the soda, crushed the can in his fist, and tossed   
it into the trash. He never bothered with recycling.   
  
He went back into the bedroom, and looked at a framed picture   
on top of his drawer. He was barely six when the picture was taken.   
Both his parents looked so happy, and he too--a big smile seemed to   
be glued on his childish face. It was one of his favorite pictures.   
  
"Oh hell no…" Tears gathered in his eyes, and he quickly   
blinked, wetting his eyelashes. He wiped the dampness away with the   
back of his hand.   
  
He glanced at his backpack. By the bed, lying listlessly. Damn.   
He still had homework. With a grunt, he lugged his bag across the   
floor to where he sat before the desk, and unzipped it.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
The last bell of the day rang.   
  
Mamoru, along with the rest of the class, immediately began to   
gather books and stuffing them into backpacks; the noises blocked out   
the last words of the faltering teacher. All he heard was "Pages 127   
to 135!"   
  
He said goodbyes to a few friends in the class, and then   
quickened his steps toward the way to gym. His heavy backpack   
hindered his moves, and he frowned in annoyance. As he rounded a   
corner, someone brushed against him, and he felt the soft touch of   
delicate hair tickling his arm momentarily. He stopped.   
  
She noticed him at the same time. "Mamoru."   
  
He smiled reservedly. "Hey." His heart began to hammer   
involuntarily, and he controlled every muscle in his face, so as not   
to betray his feelings.   
  
"Going home?" Usagi asked, adjusting the strap of her backpack.  
  
"No, I'm staying after school for the volunteer thing."   
  
Her eyes met his, and they revealed a flicker of interest.   
"Really? Anyone else you know who's also doing it?"  
  
He used his fingers to show the number of names as he told her.   
"Motoki, Minako, I don't think Sairu's going…Rei--"  
  
"Rei's volunteering?" A smirk formed on her face, and she raised   
her eyebrows.   
  
"Yeah." He was perplexed; she managed to somehow include contempt   
in her voice, and he couldn't figure out why.   
  
She looked away for a minute, obviously thinking about something.   
He used the chance to look at her, to take in her full beauty. He   
wanted to run his fingers down her golden hair, to brush his hand   
across her cheeks…  
  
"I'll stay too."   
  
The sudden sound of her voice startled him. It took a moment   
before her words registered in his mind. His heart missed a beat.   
"You are going to help out?"  
  
She smiled slightly, shrugging. "I'm new to this school, and I   
guess this is a chance for me to meet new people or something, right?"   
  
He couldn't resist smiling back, barely able to hold back his   
happiness. "We're supposed to meet in the gym. So, let's get going."  
  
She nodded. "Come on then, guide the way." As she waited for him   
to take the lead, he caught a fleeting look in her eyes that confused,   
and, slightly chilled him. He didn't dwell on it; he was immediately   
busied with trying to come up ways to make conversation.   
  
  
"Damn, never realized this many people could want to help out,"   
Usagi remarked as she and Mamoru walked through the double door into   
the gym.   
  
He looked around. People were scattered throughout the area,   
huddled in their own groups, their faces animated as their mouths   
moved excitedly. The chatting noises filled up the room with an   
indistinctive buzz. He spotted Rei, and wasn't surprised when he   
caught Motoki's eyes. His friend never missed a chance to do charity.  
  
Motoki waved them over. "I was wondering where you were," he   
said with a lopsided grin. He turned his eyes to Usagi. "I have to   
admit, this was the last place I'd expect you to be after school,   
Usagi. But I'm glad I was wrong."   
  
Usagi smiled back good-naturedly, shrugging her shoulders. "I   
wouldn't miss a chance like this for anything."   
  
Mamoru felt a slight uneasiness hearing her words, as if he   
had a feeling she was lying. He shook it off, and then faced Rei.   
"Just stand there, and don't say hi," he said with purposeful   
criticism.   
  
Rei let out a small laugh, and said immediately, "Hey."   
  
He grinned. "So what has been going on with you?"   
  
"Nothing much, really," she admitted in a bored tone, "at least   
nothing that will interest you."   
  
"Don't be miserable--I'm not used to that."   
  
She managed a brief smile back. "I'm actually using time after   
school to volunteer…that should tell you how bored I am with life. I   
wish there were something to make it more interesting…" As she said   
this, her eyes flickered with something, and she glanced at Usagi for   
a split second.   
  
Mamoru noticed Usagi arch an eyebrow amusedly. "Well, maybe you   
should go out more with friends to places," he supplied helpfully.   
  
Rei's eyes widened visibly, but she immediately lowered them   
again, silent.  
  
A single flashback zoomed past his mind.   
  
'Who do you like?'  
'Ma…Mamoru.'  
  
He looked at Rei now, a new feeling of uneasiness crawling into   
him. He couldn't find anything more to say, as if he was tongue-tied.   
  
Somehow his eyes darted to Usagi, and met her gaze easily. There   
was a soft, thoughtful look on her face, and her eyes were clear, her   
face serene. It was as if she was studying him silently.   
  
"Okay--a woman just walked in. I think she's in charge of this   
whole thing." Motoki spoke up, clearing his throat awkwardly.   
  
Mamoru turned his body to face the woman who was holding a   
clipboard, her face set in determination. He felt eyes on his back,   
and he knew whose they were.   
  
"All right, listen up! Will everyone go and sit on that section   
of benches over there so I can start?" She pointed with her free hand,   
raising her eyebrows.   
  
In matter of five minutes everyone had settled down.   
  
Mamoru was seated between Usagi and Rei, although he honestly   
did not know how he ended up there. He stilled his right leg, the leg   
that was only an inch away from Usagi's.   
  
The woman, whose name was too long to remember, started to shout   
out instructions while Mamoru listened half-heartedly. He wasn't   
worried; there were plenty of things to do.   
  
"And all right, everybody! Thank you for staying, and now let's   
get to work!" Her last words boomed over the large group of students,   
and she flashed everyone a pearly white smile before turning to go,   
scribbling something on her clipboard.   
  
The students began to stand up, and Mamoru raised his eyebrows,   
uncertain.   
  
"Well come on--you heard the teacher." Usagi grabbed his hand,   
and led him down the benches, their shoes squeaking on the waxed   
wooden floor.   
  
Mamoru was beyond surprised. But not so surprised that he   
forgot about his other friends. "Wait up for Motoki." He struggled   
with himself; he didn't want to take his hand out of hers.   
  
"Mamoru! Mamoru!"   
  
He and Usagi both turned, and he found himself smiling at the   
sight of Minako walking toward him. It was hard nowadays to find   
someone whose eyes never failed to shine. "Hey--I knew you'd be here.   
You couldn't stop talking about it."   
  
Minako grinned, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. "So,   
what are you gonna do?"  
  
He frowned. "What?"  
  
"Oh--we're gonna paint over the railings. It seems fun," Usagi   
said, a smile softening her face.   
  
Mamoru looked at her, and he could only nod when she turned her   
blue eyes to him expectantly. "Yeah, yeah."  
  
Minako flashed a smile at Usagi. "Hi, I don't think we've met.   
I'm Aino Minako."  
  
"Tsukino Usagi. Nice to meet you."   
  
"You too. I'll be making the posters for upcoming events, with   
my friends, of course. So I guess--I'll see you guys later." Minako   
hurried away, waving a hand briefly.   
  
Mamoru turned to Usagi. Again there was that thoughtful look in   
her eyes, and he stared at her, the words now lost in his head.   
  
At last she looked at him. She smiled lightly, and said, "Let's   
go work on those railings."  
  
He nodded, but turned back to try and spot Motoki and Rei. They   
weren't in sight. Figuring they already found something to do, he   
followed Usagi's lead.  
  
Arriving at the railings, he noticed instantly the buckets of   
paint and brushes sitting on the ground. He looked around, but   
apparently there wasn't anyone else that was also doing this. He   
glanced at Usagi, and almost immediately, her eyes turned to his.   
  
She lifted a corner of her lips. "Guess it's just the two of   
us."   
  
"Guess so," he replied, his voice clear. A thought occurred to   
him, and he turned to her, an eyebrow slanted. "You know…we might   
get paint on our clothes. Maybe we should switch to something else,   
like--"  
  
"Like filing papers and making posters? I don't think so." She   
rolled her eyes, and gestured toward her t-shirt. "I don't really   
like this shirt anyways, and I have tons of jeans like this one." She   
looked up at him, a smile in her eyes. "What about you? Can't have   
stains on your precious clothes, or what?"   
  
The sudden urge to turn defensive seeped into him, but he smiled   
lopsidedly. "Nah. I have a good washing machine at home."   
  
She laughed. Picking up a bucket from the ground, she wrinkled   
her nose as it caught the scent of the brown paint. "Well, might as   
well get started now." A look of uncertainty crossed her features,   
but it was quickly wiped away as she shook the hair out of her face.   
  
He watched as she grabbed a brush and walked to the end of the   
railings. She set the bucket down, and slowly dipped the brush into   
it. Then, quickly realizing that he was staring motionlessly, he   
swiftly picked up the other brush and walked to her.   
  
"So…" he started, feeling like a dork. He wetted the brush   
with paint, and began to coat the railing smoothly. He silently   
waited for a reply.  
  
He saw her smile. "So…what? We should really do a good job on   
this."   
  
"Yeah." He chuckled. "Think how funny it'd be if any of the   
students messed up on something. And no one will be able to blame   
the person--because it's just volunteer."   
  
She laughed. For the next few minutes there was only silence.   
  
Her voice surprised him--soft, doubtful. "Mamoru…?"   
  
"Yeah?" He brushed over a cracked part on the railing, and   
moved his feet to go to another position. His ears perked up   
unconsciously.   
  
"Do you still wanna go out with me?"   
  
Whatever he was expecting, it definitely was not this. He was   
so surprised his hand stilled, and paint oozed down the brush,   
gathered on the railing, and then dripped down onto his pants.   
Noticing the new brown spot on his dark pants, he jumped up,   
practically knocking over the paint bucket.   
  
Feeling embarrassed and flustered, he stared down on his pants,   
his cheeks warming. "Uh…" The words could not form.  
  
Looking at him with amusement, Usagi finally giggled, shaking   
her head. "Wow. I hadn't expected a reaction quite like this."   
  
His pride took control, and he cleared his throat. Managing a   
grin, he replied, "Well, it's not everyday that a girl asks a guy   
out. Although, I'm not sure you ARE asking me."   
  
She lowered her eyes, her hand moving the brush. "I am," she   
said.   
  
His heart leapt. Suppressing the urge to stretch his lips into   
a huge grin, he bent down at the place where he left off the paint.   
As he started to work again, he calmed slowly. "Okay…since that's   
cleared…"   
  
"Do you really want me to ask you out AND set the time and   
place?" Usagi questioned, her tone light and full of amusement.   
  
"No, how can I ever burden you with such challenging subjects?"   
He was surprised that he still was able to come back with a reply.  
  
She laughed. "Well, then?"   
  
He thought for a moment. "Saturday night, seven o'clock. Dare   
I say…the movies?" He caught her fleeting intense gaze. He almost   
faltered, realizing that she was studying him.   
  
But her sudden smile knocked over whatever suspicion that had   
stood in his mind. "Then it's set!"   
  
He grinned back, savoring the moment.   
  
  
  
  
"Whoa! What's with the cologne?" Motoki exclaimed, waving a hand   
in the air.   
  
Mamoru turned from the mirror, his eyes round. He looked behind   
his friend, then looked back, and asked incredulously, "How the hell   
did you get in here?"   
  
Motoki laughed. "You asked me to return your book by today,   
remember? So I thought I'd drop by--and your door was open, so I just   
came in. Didn't know you were making yourself pretty, otherwise I'd   
stay out."   
  
Mamoru rolled his eyes. "Just go sit in the living room. Or   
better yet--put the book on my desk, and leave." He faced the mirror   
again.   
  
"Nuh-uh, I'm not budging." Motoki crossed his arms, a grin   
forming on his face. "What's up, anyway? Cologne? Isn't that a little   
bit too much?"   
  
"Why? I'm going out--why is it too much if I don't feel like   
smelling like a stink rat?"   
  
"I've never seen you wear cologne ANYWHERE except to formal   
dances. What's so important about tonight?"   
  
Mamoru didn't answer. He touched his hair, and wondered if it   
was too tousled. "Does my hair look…windswept?"   
  
"Whoa, you're worried about your HAIR now?" Motoki came to   
stand next to his friend, and touched a hand to Mamoru's forehead.   
"What's WRONG with you?"   
  
He grunted, and flung away Motoki's hand. "I'm going to the   
movies with Usagi tonight."   
  
"Aaah…" Motoki exhaled. "And here I thought I might have to   
carry you to the hospital to have a serious checkup." He walked away   
and sat down on the bed with a hard thump. "So Usagi's the reason.   
What time are you picking her up?"  
  
"We are meeting in front of the theater. She said she doesn't   
need to be picked up."   
  
Motoki raised an eyebrow. "That's weird. Most girls love to be   
honked out the door by handsome guys with clothes sprayed of cologne."   
  
"Would you stop it? So she wants to meet me there, what's so   
bad about that? I don't even have to worry about meeting her   
parents." Mamoru smiled, relaxing a bit. He took one last glance at   
himself, and then walked out of the bedroom.   
  
Motoki followed. "Your book's on the sofa." He headed toward the   
door. "I'm leaving. Good luck tonight." He pulled at the doorknob, and   
stepped outside. "And with a girl like Usagi--you'll need it."  
  
The door closed with a bang. Mamoru stood there, the scent of   
his only cologne surrounding his nostrils.   
  
  
  
  
He swerved into the parking lot. Sitting still on the seat for   
a moment, he told himself to stop being so jittery. She was just a   
girl. Yes, just a normal girl.   
  
He got out of his car, his old, shriveled car that desperately   
needed to be replaced. He pulled at the handle after he closed the   
door, making sure that he locked it. Adjusting his shirt, he walked   
toward the front doors of the theater, half-expecting Usagi to be   
there, waiting. When he got there, all he saw was two lines of people,   
and a few chatty groups here and there. No Usagi.   
  
He leaned against one of the big posts, his eyes daring around   
the street before him.   
  
He glanced at his watch. 7:01.   
  
  
7:15. Mamoru looked at his watch once more. She was fifteen   
minutes late.   
  
He started to walk around, wondering what was keeping her.   
Fifteen minutes wasn't that big a deal, at least now he knew how   
punctual she was. He smiled lopsidedly. He would just remember that   
he didn't need to be so on-time next time.   
  
Next time? Was there gonna be a next time? He shook his head,   
half annoyed at himself. Their "first" time hadn't even started, and   
he was already thinking about a "second" time?   
  
He unbuttoned the second button on his shirt, letting the night   
air brush against his skin. He waited.   
  
  
7:22. He began to get worried. She was almost half an hour late.   
No matter how disorganized she was, she couldn't be so sloppy as to   
miss twenty-two minutes. He ran a hand through his hair. Or maybe   
something happened to her. That thought grew on him. What if she got   
involved in an accident? Then, almost immediately, he mentally smacked   
himself. What was he doing, cursing her?   
  
Calm down, calm down, he thought.   
  
And still. He waited.   
  
  
7:46. He had the urge to throw his fist against the glass door.   
Where the hell was she? Was he being stood up? Was he? He paced around,   
watching the two lines get shorter.   
  
  
7:52. He stared at his watch. Cursed his watch. Took one last   
glance at the road. And then he left, disgusted.   
  
  
***  
  
  
Hehe. Bet you reaaaalllly wanna know what happens next.   
  
No really.   
  
Anyways! Emails, emails, and more emails! My inbox hasn't been as   
"filled" as it had been before…I'm getting lonely. =)   
  
http://www6.brinkster.com/moonieround 


	4. Part 3

Holding - part 3  
By Henra  
HjMcgi@cryingmail.com   
PG rated  
  
Hey! Haha, long time no see, eh? Anyways, my old email server   
had some troubles, so I changed my email addy. My new address is   
HjMcgi@cryingmail.com and so send all future emails there, please!   
Thankies!  
  
Heeererreee's part three.   
  
  
  
He could not forgive her.  
Could not.  
Would not.   
No…?  
Yes.  
  
Part three  
  
Mamoru looked at the phone. His hand reached out, brushed against   
the cord, then pulled back. He grunted, and started to pace around his   
room, shuffling across the carpet.   
  
To call…or not to call, that was the question.   
  
No, he told himself, shaking his head, have some pride, man!   
Don't go chasing after that girl like some lovesick puppy.   
  
He plopped down on his bed, defeated. But yet, he wanted to know   
why she didn't show up tonight. How she could just leave him standing   
in front of the theater so pitifully. She didn't seem like the type   
who would do that…on purpose.  
  
Or was she? She hadn't seemed like the type who would publicly   
criticize a teacher, either, and she had done just that. His heart   
pounded wildly. No…she couldn't. She wouldn't. But how was he to   
ascertain?   
  
He groaned inwardly. This was just what he hated about girls   
he'd just met. He bit on the inside of his lip, and narrowed his eyes.   
He hated agonizing over girls. When was the last time that he thought   
so much about a girl it caused a headache? "Aaah!" He let out his   
frustration and fell back on his pillows.  
  
You better act cool and casual when you see her on Monday, he   
noted to himself, don't let her know that you waited for her for almost   
an hour.   
  
He stilled. Why not? Why couldn't he tell her, make her feel   
guilty?   
  
Because, he answered almost immediately, she won't feel guilty.   
She'll laugh at you and flaunt her hand at you, and say that it was   
your own fault, since you did not choose to leave.   
  
No, he then argued, she's not like that. She won't be so cold--  
her name is Usagi! Rabbits are warm and friendly animals, aren't they?   
He didn't know. He was confused, confused like he'd never been before.  
  
He sighed heavily, and then laughed inwardly at himself. He'd   
actually compared a real person to an animal. That showed how   
insensible he was at the moment.   
  
His gaze slipped to the clock hanging on the wall before his   
desk. He was too tired to do his homework. He'd find time for it   
tomorrow. Unless, of course, he actually would mope around like he did   
these few hours.  
  
  
  
  
Dressed in faded jeans and a black shirt, Mamoru walked through   
the hallway casually, looking confident and cool. He hoped he wouldn't   
run into Usagi. At least, not first thing in the morning. Who knew how   
he would react once she started her apologies.   
  
Apologies?  
  
He stopped.   
  
WAS there gonna be an apology? Was Usagi even going to say sorry,   
really, for leaving him like that?   
  
He felt a familiar twinge of frustration--something that he'd felt   
practically every time he thought of her and her strange ways. He hated   
that she was unpredictable…and yet he loved it. He'd never felt so…  
helpless.   
  
Helpless?   
  
He smacked himself mentally. When had he ever let himself become   
helpless in a situation involving a GIRL? Never. He sure wasn't going   
to now. Holding up his wrist to view his watch, he came to the   
conclusion that he had arrived at school too early--there was still   
about ten minutes before the first bell rang.   
  
He looked around, his confidence slipping a bit.   
  
And suddenly, he froze. Shit.   
  
There she was.   
  
Yes, there was Tsukino Usagi, looking as perfect as ever.  
Her long golden hair was parted, each side tied with a long blue   
ribbon. Her lips were dabbed with pink gloss, looking absolutely   
kissable. Her eyes somehow managed to seem even bluer and bigger,   
darting around with a sparkling interest.   
  
She fairly took his breath away.   
  
He walked over to the nearest fountain, and bent down to take a   
few sips of the water, even though thirst was the last thing on his   
mind.   
  
"Mamoru-san." Her soft voice rang in his ears just a second   
later.   
  
He took his time as he finished gulping; he wiped his mouth,   
and then turned around to face her.  
  
Her eyes were apologetic as they darted around his face. That   
single saddened expression was almost enough to obliterate the   
infuriation that he had against her. Keyword: almost. He nodded. "Hey.   
What's up?"  
  
"Hi." She bit her lip, looking unsure. "Are you…are you mad?"   
  
"At what?"   
  
"Me." She looked away for a while, biting her lip. "Me…not   
showing up."   
  
He studied her, and suddenly had the urge to clap his hands   
together--she was acting so innocent. "Oh my god," he said   
exaggeratedly, "You actually remember that you were supposed to meet   
me! Oh how inconvenient…it's Monday now, you see, NOT Saturday."   
  
"Look," she replied, her voice strong, "I'm sorry, okay? Believe   
me, I intended to go. Something just…just came up, and I couldn't get   
away. Don't be mad."   
  
"What was it?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"What was it that 'came up'?"   
  
She stared at him for a while, her mouth not moving. "I…it was   
nothing."  
  
The faintest annoyance crept into him. She was yet slamming   
another door in his face. "Nothing? So 'nothing' kept you, yet you   
still didn't show up? Wow, you really make me feel good about myself."   
  
"Mamoru, why do you have to be so hard-headed? Didn't I just   
apologize?"   
  
He was caught off guard at the newfound edginess in her voice.   
"You stood me off. Hear that? STOOD me OFF. I don't think that's   
something I can just brush aside the minute you apologize."   
  
"Why not--because of your stupid dignity? I said I'm sorry, okay?   
What more do you want from me?" The pinkness in her cheeks was getting   
red.   
  
"I don't know! I waited for you there for almost--for SO long,   
and I was even thinking that you got hurt. But noo, of course not,   
you were probably so busy doing something else--like having a tongue   
war with Yushiga--that you forgot about this date of ours." He   
regretted the words, though, the second they were out his mouth.   
  
For a moment, she didn't reply. There was a mixture of emotions   
on her face, and it seemed as if she was going to cry. Then, her eyes   
flashed, and daggers shot out from them. "Go to hell." She said the   
words with such fierceness that his body froze.   
  
She turned. Her braids swirled around, almost whipping him in   
the face.   
  
He suddenly faced her back. She took a step forward, and   
abruptly, his brain started to work. It commanded him to grab her arm.   
And made his mouth form words. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it   
like that. You just…drive me crazy, you know that?"  
  
Her arm stiffened under his hand. She slowly wheeled around to   
face him. The simple move seemed to take forever. When she did look up,   
there was no more anger in her blue eyes. "Really?" She asked softly,   
her lips barely moving.   
  
He gazed at her, his heart pounding crazily against his chest. He   
dropped his hand, and watched as she unconsciously glanced at the spot   
on her arm where he'd held. For a moment, as her lashes stroked her   
cheek, she looked absolutely beautiful. Slowly, and almost   
instinctively, he raised his hand to touch her face. Smooth, flawless   
skin met the back of his palm. Her eyelashes fluttered.   
  
Then, just a mere second later, she swung her head away as if   
stung, and took a big stride backwards. She averted her eyes. "That   
was not an answer."   
  
He let his hand drop limply to his side. He stared at her   
profile, and sighed softly. "Tsukino Usagi…"   
  
She looked up at him again, surprised at the sound of her full   
name on his lips.   
  
"There has to be a reason why you're named that…but I still   
haven't found out." He stepped closer to her, so that she had to tilt   
her head to meet his eyes. He expected her to back away, but she didn't   
move an inch.   
  
"Names have nothing to do with a person's personality. Just like   
you," she smiled lightly, "you're not a bodyguard--who are you supposed   
to protect nowadays?"   
  
He laughed at the hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Touché." He   
brushed away a strand of hair by her eyes. "Am I forgiven?"   
  
She grinned. "Am *I* forgiven?"   
  
"Let's see, I froze my ass off there at the theater for an hour…  
lost my dignity in front of so many people…no, I don't think you're   
quite forgiven yet."   
  
Her eyes laughed, and she suddenly put her arms around his neck,   
so that she was against him. Mamoru gazed down at her, noticing the   
coy grin hanging on her face. "Usagi…" His pulse started to race,   
and his eyes kept lowering to glance at her full lips.   
  
"How about if I pay you back?   
  
Goosebumps popped out on his arms, and he was unable to speak.   
  
"You want to kiss me, don't you?"  
  
Shock spread throughout his body. He looked into her eyes, her   
blue eyes that seemed to dance into his. He cleared his throat, well   
aware of her slim body pressed against his. "Am I supposed to actually   
answer that?"   
  
She laughed, and her hold on him tightened. "No…not really."   
  
Then before he knew it, her eyes closed, and she was suddenly   
kissing him. Her gentle fingers seemed to caress the back of his neck,   
and her kiss burned on his lips. His hands, unable to help themselves,   
found their way around her waist, and he pulled her--if it was   
possible--even closer. His head whirled, and he bent it as the kiss   
deepened, so that her back was arched. His body temperature rose about   
ten degrees when she slid her tongue in his mouth.   
  
He enjoyed the kiss immensely, yet he could not shake away a   
wary feeling down in the pit of his stomach. Her attitude had changed   
dramatically in such a short amount of time. But her small form   
fitted perfectly in his arms…it was incredulous that he should be   
feeling anything but pure bliss.   
  
A sudden breeze brushed against his face; a faint smell of   
perfume reached his nostrils. His eyes half-opened automatically, then   
closed again--but not before seeing a raven head sprint by.  
  
  
  
  
Hands pushed Mamoru from behind, shoving him against the locker   
painfully. He grunted, and turned around with a frown on his face.   
Seeing Yushiga, his anger rose. "What the hell was that?"   
  
"Stay away from Usagi. She's mine." Yushiga jabbed a finger at   
Mamoru's chest, his eyes flashing dangerously.   
  
Mamoru held back the urge to laugh. "First of all, Usagi's not   
an object, so there IS no 'yours', 'mine' whatever. Secondly, you and   
her were never together--there is absolutely no way that you can say   
that. Third…she's with me now."   
  
"I don't think so, Mamoru. I thought you and I were friends--  
you knew I liked her."  
  
"Really? Well, FRIENDS don't try to hurt each other on purpose."   
Mamoru felt a sting at his chest, where it had hit against the   
protruding part of the locker. "Besides, Yushiga, just because you   
like her doesn't mean no one else can't go out with her. And also…I   
really don't think she likes guys whose hobby is to shove people   
around when they least expect it."  
  
Yushiga narrowed his eyes. "All right, all right. I'll remember   
this, Mamoru. You just go out and have fun with her…for now." He kept   
his eyes on Mamoru as he walked away.  
  
Mamoru straightened his shirt, and then rubbed his hand over the   
painful spot on his chest.   
  
"What's wrong?"   
  
The feminine voice startled him. He turned and saw a concerned   
Minako, and forced a smile. "Oh, it's nothing. I kinda bumped against   
the locker."  
  
Minako raised her eyebrows. "By accident?"   
  
"Yeah." He answered, and then adjusted the straps of his   
backpack. "So, what's up?"   
  
"I just wanted to tell you something. Something rather…strange,   
but I think important also."   
  
"Really? Like what?"   
  
Minako smiled, glad that she had caught his interest. "It's   
about Usagi-san."  
  
He nodded. "I expected that. So what is it?"   
  
"I'm sure you've already heard about the rumor that she was   
kicked out of her old school?" Hearing an affirmative from him, she   
went on, "Well, I found out the truth behind that little rumor. She WAS   
kicked out, because she had gotten into a fight with a boy." She   
stepped closer to him, and lowered her voice. "The thing is, they were   
shouting about something, and then she punched him in the nose. He   
bled, fell to the ground, but she kept on kicking him in the stomach.   
He later had to go to a hospital. She never offered an apology to the   
boy or his parents, and so she was expelled."  
  
He was appalled. "What? Where the hell did you hear this?"   
  
She was taken back, her eyes widening. "I didn't make this up,   
okay? It's true. You can go ask her if you want--I hear you guys are   
going out."   
  
"Minako, I respect you, but I don't believe what you're saying.   
I mean, for all I could know, you got it from some stupid shit-talking   
guy." Mamoru knew his voice sounded terribly accusing, but he couldn't   
hold back the disturbing feelings her words had caused.   
  
She sighed. "Believe me, Mamoru-san, I meant nothing bad by   
telling you this. I just wanted you to know it because you guys are   
with each other. And I like you, Mamoru…I don't want you to get hurt   
or anything."  
  
"Don't worry, all right? It's not like Usagi's gonna beat me up.   
Thanks for your concern, but it was unnecessary." With that, he walked   
away from Minako.   
  
  
  
  
"Hey." Usagi greeted Mamoru with a smile when she spotted him.  
  
"Hey yourself." Mamoru grinned and leaned over to give her a   
kiss on the lips before sitting down. Her soft scent surrounded his   
nostrils, and he sighed. "You know what day it is?" He looked   
around the park, and was surprised that, from what he could see, they   
were the only two in the area.   
  
There was a short silence while she thought. Then: "It's not your   
birthday, not my birthday, nor any holiday…" She blew out a breath of   
air. "I have no idea."   
  
"It is--" He grinned. "--our one month anniversary." He slung an   
arm around her shoulders, and kissed her temple tenderly. "I can't   
believe you didn't remember!" He exclaimed dramatically. He leaned   
his back against the tree trunk, and rested his chin on the top of her   
head.  
  
"Whoa. Didn't know time fly by so fast." She twisted around so   
she could give him a kiss on the lips.  
  
He smiled, and held her hand in his, caressing the back of it   
with his thumb.   
  
"So how do you want celebrate this day?" Her eyes danced   
affectionately, and a warm smile spread over her face.   
  
Before he could open his mouth, a soft breeze blew, causing the   
grass beneath them to sway back and forth gently. The orange sunlight   
streamed through the leaves of the oak tree, casting a spotted shadow   
across the ground. Mamoru closed his eyes for a moment, a smile on his   
lips. He'd never felt so good in his life. "Maybe…dinner? Or movies?   
Or…ice cream?"  
  
"All of those sound good. But…I was thinking maybe we could stay   
like this…" Usagi wrapped her arms around his waist, and slid so that   
her head lay against his chest.   
  
"And just be with each other?" He continued quietly.   
  
"Yeah." Her voice was barely above a whisper.   
  
I've never thought that I could feel this way about a girl,   
Mamoru thought to himself as he smoothed away a few strands of blond   
hair on her head.   
  
"And I've never thought that I could be like this for a guy…"   
Usagi's sweet voice echoed back to him.   
  
"What? Oh--you, you heard that. I didn't realize that I was   
speaking out loud."   
  
She laughed. "Why not? Don't you want me to know?" She lifted her   
head off his chest and leaned back, looking at him from under her   
eyelids.   
  
He smiled. "Of course I do. I didn't want you to know so fast,   
though."   
  
"Too bad. You leaked your own secret," she teased with a wide   
smile. She moved forward, and their lips locked in a delicate kiss.   
She grinned after it ended, then fell back to her original spot.   
  
"Usagi?" He said her name tenderly, his breath becoming quick.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
His heart began to pound. "Usagi…I, I lov--"  
  
She immediately got off him, cutting off his words. She walked   
away for a few steps, and then came back again, her eyes big. Her   
abrupt movement surprised him, and he got off the ground also, looking   
in disbelief at her wild expression. "Usagi--"  
  
"No, stop. Please!" Her tone was quick and pleading. She ran a   
hand through her hair, her eyes darting all over the place. "Please,   
Mamoru-chan…don't."   
  
"Don't what?" He walked closer to her, becoming alarmed at the   
frantic look on her face.   
  
"Don't…feel that way about me. I'm serious…I'm not worth it."   
  
"What? Usagi, you don't even know what I'm feeling. And besides,   
I think I should be the judge of your 'worthiness', okay, since I'm the   
one who feels this way about you." He reached out to touch her, but she   
slid away, putting a good five feet between them.   
  
"Mamoru--I know…" She trailed off, pausing for a second.   
"Believe me, you'd better off if you don't say that, if you don't   
feel that. Please…I'm telling you, just trust me on this."   
  
He shook his head slowly, looking at her with amazement. "I   
can't believe what I'm hearing. You…most girls would just jump when   
guys tell them that--"  
  
"Well I'm not 'most girls', okay?" She began to pace around,   
and his eyes followed her every step. "MOST girls don't have horrible   
lives like me. MOST girls weren't kicked out of their schools because   
they had punched a guy and sent him to a hospital. MOST girls have   
people that love them, that take care of them. MOST girls…" Her voice   
broke, and she plumped down on the ground, her hands covering her face.   
"Most girls have parents that are NORMAL."   
  
He didn't understand her last statement, but he knew now wasn't   
the time to ask. He wanted to put his arms around her, but waited for   
her shoulders to stop shaking. He opened his mouth, keeping his   
emotions in check. "Usagi…" He searched for words to say, but came up   
with nothing.  
  
Usagi's head flew up. "Oh my god." She got up, and moved her   
hands rapidly to dust off some bit of grass on her jeans. "What did I   
just say? Oh my god. I have to go." She didn't even look at him before   
turning around and running away.   
  
He immediately chased after her, confused at the sudden change.   
"Usagi! Usagi, wait! Whe-where are you going?" She ran up a small hill,   
and he quickened his pace, catching up within a few seconds. He grabbed   
her from behind, and she fell to the ground with a small cry. He lost   
his balance, and they rolled off the grassy hill, a tangle of arms and   
legs.   
  
He got off her as soon as possible, but didn't let go of her   
hand, afraid that he was going to lose her again. There was fury in her   
eyes after she stood up and faced him. "Let go of me." Her voice was   
level, but Mamoru could detect the irritation lying under the   
smoothness.   
  
"I will, but promise me you won't take off again."  
  
"Mamoru, what's WRONG with you? Let go of me!" The volume of her   
voice increased, as did the shaking of her body. She stared at him   
with blazing eyes, and he was almost beginning to be afraid. He had   
never seen her in such a state.   
  
"Listen to me, okay? Please." He loosened his grip on her hand,  
but looked at her firmly. "I don't understand what just happened, but   
I need to finish what I had intended to say." He felt her struggling   
to get free of his grasp. "I'm not going to hurt you--I just want you   
to hear me out."   
  
Her blue eyes stared into his, and he could tell that she was   
calming down gradually. "Usagi, what I had meant to say was--that I   
love you." He held her gaze steadily, although his voice was beginning   
to tremble. "I have never felt this way about anyone, and it is   
actually scares me a little--" He managed a tight smile, "--because   
I don't know what to do."   
  
She turned her eyes away.   
  
"This past month has been so amazing. Being with you is the most   
wonderful feeling in the world--it's like all my troubles just melt   
away whenever I'm near you. I feel as if I'm on top of the world each   
time you put your arms around me. The sight of you lifts up my whole   
being, my--" He paused, overwhelmed with emotion. He closed his eyes   
briefly, not wanting to scare her away with the intensity of his voice.  
  
He heard her quick breaths, and opened his eyes to find tears in   
hers. Surprised, he let go of her hand, and stepped back. "Usagi-chan,   
what's wrong?"   
  
Then, as quickly as her tears had come, they were gone. And he   
wondered if they were even there in the first place.   
  
She shook her head and said simply, "I'm sorry."  
  
He didn't quite understand. "Wha-what?"   
  
She smiled lightly. "I'm sorry that you feel this way. I knew   
you were going to say something like this," her voice was soft, "and   
that's why I tried to--run away. I didn't want you to say these things   
to me." She moistened her lips, and looked at him with distant eyes.   
  
"I don't get it."   
  
"I don't feel the same, okay? This past month with you has been   
really great, but…you're just a friend. A boyfriend, maybe, who kept   
me company while I adjusted to a new school. Nothing more."   
  
There was a painful squeeze at his heart.   
  
"I told you not to say it--I told you to just trust me in this.   
I wanted to save you from this…rejection." She said the words aloofly,   
her tone casual. "But you didn't listen to me. You went ahead and did   
it anyway." She laughed, and it was the first time that he hated her   
the sound of her laughter. "I even tried to run away from you--because   
I hadn't wanted to be where I am right now, saying what I'm saying   
right now. Well, I don't mind it so much, though…it's you who's getting   
hurt." Her eyes slightly enlarged, as if she pitied him.   
  
His body felt as cold as ice. His heart merely crumbled.   
  
"If you didn't get all of that, I can sum it up for you." She   
paused dramatically, looking at him still with widened eyes. "I don't   
love you, Mamoru."   
  
She stared at him, and he could've sworn he saw laughter behind   
her eyes. His hands clutched into hard fists. He clenched his teeth,   
and fought hard to stay still.   
  
Say something. Say anything, he directed his mind. Two minutes   
have gone by already in total silence. Save yourself the humiliation.   
  
"I should've expected that." He didn't quite mean for his voice   
to sound so hard. "I mean, after all--it's you--you who humiliated   
Rei the first time you met her, who tormented Haruna-sensei just for   
the fun of it, who stood me off at the movies and had no guilt at   
all… You. You who's Tsukino Usagi. So of course it would be you   
who's the first one to crush my whole spirit with merely words."   
His eyes narrowed. "I'm the stupid one." He knew he was going to   
regret saying this to her, but it felt good just to let out that   
anger.   
  
She didn't even bat an eye during all of this, he noted to   
himself bitterly.  
  
"Yep," she then added with an even tone, "I told you before,   
Mamoru, that I wasn't your type. You know why? Because you like sweet   
girls…you want a girlfriend who dresses according to the latest trend,   
who sits by the phone every night for your call, who acts dramatic in   
everything that happens--"  
  
"You think you know me so well, don't you?" She was beginning to   
get on his nerves. She made him sound so shallow, and he wasn't like   
that. Was he?  
  
She smiled--mockingly? He coudn't tell. "No…I only wish I did.   
I just said what I thought you wanted in a girl."  
  
"Usagi--we've been together for a month now. Why would I be with   
you if I didn't want you?"  
  
"You should be with Rei."   
  
"What?" He spat the word out with incredulity. Rei-chan? How   
could Usagi be thinking of another girl who was completely irrelevant?   
"You know…" He stopped breathing hard. "Maybe you aren't even going   
out with me because you like me--but because of Rei."   
  
"What?" This time it was Usagi's turn to be surprised. "What   
are you talking about?"   
  
"The first time that we kissed, it was because of Rei. The   
second time we kissed, I saw Rei run by. When I first asked you out,   
you said no. But after you saw Rei with me, you changed your mind--"  
  
"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute." Her eyes were big with amazement.   
"What, are you saying that I'm with you only to put on a show for Rei?   
Do you know how incredibly stupid that sounds?"   
  
He stayed unfazed. "Then why were you with me?" He didn't expect   
an answer.   
  
"What do you want me to do, Mamoru?" Usagi rolled her eyes, and   
moistened her lips. "Don't be such a sentimental baby, okay? You don't   
need to be cooed and caressed and picked up every five minutes. If   
you're really desperate, go find some other girl who can pet you the   
way you want her to, okay?" She turned her heels, and was taking off   
again.  
  
"So you're going, just like that?"   
  
She stopped.   
  
"I mean, a month--a whole MONTH, Usagi…gone?" There was no   
emotion in his voice, but he knew she could sense his intensity in his   
words.   
  
She didn't reply. She stood with her back to him, so he   
couldn't see her face. He felt like there was a wall between them.   
  
"My words…" He had to take this one last chance. "they mean   
absolute nothing to you?"   
  
She turned around slowly, and gazed at him in silence. Nothing in   
her eyes possibly betrayed her feelings. She looked down at the ground,   
and then up again, and uttered one word: "No."   
  
And there. His heart simply shattered.   
  
But he breathed in deeply, keeping his face stone-like.   
  
"I'm sorry, too, for what I feel for you." He had never heard his   
voice sound so flat and empty. And he walked away; turned his back on   
the girl he loved.   
  
Had he walked just a bit slower, he would've heard her say   
softly "I'm sorry."   
  
  
  
  
"Chiba, Mamoru." The teacher called out attendance, glancing up   
from his glasses.   
  
"Here," Mamoru answered flatly, not yet awake.   
  
"Cokyo, Natsuki."   
  
"I'm here." A voice from the back of the room replied.   
  
Mamoru put his head down on the table. He hadn't slept well last   
night. Maybe he could catch a few dozes while the teacher called out   
each and every one's names. It usually took a long time, especially   
if the students weren't paying attention.   
  
"…Tsukino, Usagi?"   
  
And his ears perked up.   
  
"Tsukino Usagi." The teacher said again, his gaze sweeping the   
quiet classroom.   
  
Mamoru opened his eyes to the darkness of his arms.   
  
Upon no answer, Kyoko-sensei frowned, and marked down on the   
attendance sheet. "I hope Usagi isn't sick or anything…this is the   
third day that she's been absent."   
  
The third day? Mamoru raised his head, and caught Motoki's eye.   
His friend mouthed "What happened to her?" and he could only shrug   
his shoulders. He lowered his eyes and pondered the reason for her   
absence. Maybe she really was sick. So sick that she couldn't even get   
out of bed.   
  
That wasn't a very soothing thought, but at least it beat   
thinking that she had an accident and was in the hospital. Goosebumps  
appeared on his arms, and he tried to rub them off with his thumbs.   
Where could she be? He didn't like that he couldn't concentrate on what   
the teacher was saying, but instead could only think of her. Her who   
had broke his heart so harshly. He didn't love her still. He didn't.   
  
But that didn't mean he couldn't care about her. He still had   
the right (as a classmate) to find out where she was.  
  
They hadn't spoken after that painful day in the park. He   
didn't know what was going on with her. And today was Thursday.   
She hadn't been to school since Tuesday.   
  
And then suddenly, he had an idea. He could go to her house.   
Or should he call beforehand? But no, she might not answer the phone,   
if she really were sick or something. Going to her house right after   
school was the best option.   
  
Finally, Kyoko-sensei closed his book, and looked up at the   
class. "Well, since we only have a few minutes of class left, we won't   
be able to finish the chapter by today. Take down your assignment for   
today from the board, and we'll continue tomorrow. If you're done, you   
can pack up." Mamoru began to clean his desk.   
  
He scribbled down the homework messily on a scrap of paper, then   
inserted it into his book, not caring that he might not find it later.   
He shoved his notebook into his backpack, then let the book drop into   
it also. The heavy textbook made a thump, but the sound went unnoticed,  
as the whole class was buzzing with noises of students cleaning up.   
  
Everyone heard the bell, though, when it rang.   
  
Mamoru got up hurriedly, and was the first one out of not only   
the classroom door, but also the school door. His heart hammered in  
his chest as he thought about what he was going to do. It was a big   
risk, he knew--although, he had no idea exactly what he was risking.   
  
He turned at the next block, the route to Usagi's house as   
familiar as to his own. His backpack was like a ton of bricks,   
hampering him so much that he had the urge to throw it somewhere. He   
concentrated on the road ahead and tried to hurry as much as possible.   
And then he arrived at her house.   
  
His feet were rooted to the ground as he stared at the front   
door. Should he or shouldn't he?   
  
He took a deep breath, and commanded his legs to move forward.   
You didn't waste your whole class time to decide on something and then   
not do it at the last minute, his inner voice yelled. Left, right,   
left, right, left, right.   
  
As he inched closer to the front door, he noticed something   
different in the air. He couldn't quite put his fingers on it, but   
kept his awareness in check as he raised his hand to ring the   
doorbell. There was no answer. He tapped his feet impatiently,   
wondering where she could be during this hour.   
  
And then he heard it. A scream. Her scream. It was her voice.   
Usagi'd screamed.   
  
"Holy shit," Mamoru cursed under his breath. That sound was   
enough to send hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. He rang the   
doorbell again, this time in a far more fearful state. "Usagi! Usagi,   
open up if you're in there!" He pushed the door.   
  
It opened.   
  
For a moment, he just stood there, surprised and frozen to the   
ground. Then, the clatter of china cracking on the floor snapped him   
right to attention. He walked in the house and followed the sounds of   
heartbreaking cries that made him want to tear his ears out. His heart   
was pounding violently in his chest, and he could feel the rush of   
blood in his throat.   
  
And then, he reached hell.   
  
There was a man in the room, who had his ruthless arms around   
Usagi's neck. He was cussing at her loudly, using a series of words so   
foul Mamoru felt his blood boil. Usagi was crying and yelling back at   
the bearded man, her hands swinging above her head, trying to scratch   
the man's face. Pieces of china were scattered all around the floor,   
and the couch was flipped over, making the room seem like a place of   
chaos.   
  
Hell, this WAS a place of chaos. Mamoru cursed and strode   
forward, his eyes focused on the man. "Get your hands off of her!"   
And he swung, right toward the man's jaw. Instantly, a stinging pain   
spread in his knuckles and traveled all the way up to his arm, but   
Mamoru used his left fist and aimed again, this time directly at the   
man's face. The man fell to the ground with a thump, and blood oozed  
out of his lips.  
  
"Mamoru!"  
  
Mamoru then saw Usagi, and he immediately kneeled down to hold   
her, his heart in his throat. "Oh my god, Usagi-chan, are you okay?"  
  
Before she could reply, the man'd gotten up from the floor and   
directed his voice at Mamoru. "Who are you and what the hell are you   
doing in my house?"   
  
"This isn't your house, dammit!" Usagi screamed as she stood up,   
her face stained with tears. "Get your dirty ass out of MY house!"  
  
"And if I don't, what are you going to do?" The man smirked,   
and wiped the blood from his lips with the back of his hand. "Put me   
in jail, Usagi, is that what you're gonna do? Put your dad behind   
bars?"   
  
"For the last time," Usagi said evenly through gritted teeth,   
"you are NOT my father! Get the hell out NOW!"  
  
Mamoru stepped forward, fully prepared to use his fists again.   
The man was shorter than him for at least 5 inches. His knuckles were   
starting to bruise, but he didn't care. As long as the guy didn't   
touch Usagi again.  
  
The man seemed to get the hint, and backed off. "I'll see you   
again, Usagi. And next time, this badass won't be here to save you."   
He then whipped around and was gone.  
  
Mamoru exhaled, letting out the breath that he didn't even   
realize he was holding. "Usagi--" he turned to her, but was cut off   
by a loud slap to his face. "What the--"  
  
"What the HELL are you doing here, Mamoru? How DARE you just   
break into my house like this and HIT my stepdad?" Usagi's eyes   
flashed accusingly, and she pushed him, causing him to back up   
clumsily.   
  
"WHAT?" He reclaimed his stability, and held Usagi's wrists   
in midair. "What the hell am I doing here? Usagi, that bastard had   
you by the neck, if you didn't notice! You were crying and screaming   
and your whole freakin' house is a mess--"  
  
"Did I ask for your help?! Did I?" Tears started to roll down   
from her eyes, and she shook her head violently. "NO I didn't! I was   
perfectly fine, okay? I could've handled the situation fine ON MY   
OWN!" She pushed him further down the hall. "Go, get out! I don't   
need you butting into my life right now!"   
  
She was too quick, and he didn't have any time to regain his   
balance before he was forced to step outside the door. "Usagi, stop   
it! I was just trying to protect you from that asshole, okay? What   
was he DOING to you?"  
  
"None of your BUSINESS, okay?" She moved back, and her hand   
grabbed the doorknob. "I don't even know what you're doing here. We   
BROKE UP, Mamoru--and that means you don't interfere with my life or   
I with yours. So why don't you march your ass back to your perfect   
grades, your perfect house, and your perfect family? I certainly   
don't need you HERE! Good-BYE!"   
  
And with that, she slammed the door in his face.   
  
  
* * *   
  
  
Whooo! I can't even believe that it took me so long to write this part.   
But I'm quite happy with the results. ^__^  
  
Anyway, lots of feedback please! Heheehee.   
  
http://www6.brinkster.com/moonieround 


	5. Part 4

Holding - part 4  
By Henra  
HjMcgi@cryingmail.com  
PG rated   
  
Finally, eh? Haha…part four's here.   
  
The usual disclaimers. I'm not making money off of this. But this fic   
does belong to me.  
  
  
  
She confused him.  
He loved her.  
He didn't know her.  
He hated her.  
…  
He lied.   
  
  
  
Part four  
  
  
Mamoru stood outside of Usagi's door, thunderstruck.   
  
And she'd stabbed him once more.   
  
Now he realized sadly what he had been afraid he was risking--  
his already weakened heart.   
  
His anger rose after he got over his shock. What the HELL just   
happened? Did he just see a man HURTING Usagi? And did Usagi really   
slap him--Mamoru touched the spot on his cheek where she had struck--  
and kick him out of her house?   
  
He winced. It still burned.   
  
He stared at the front door, willing his eyes to penetrate it.   
What was Usagi doing at this moment? Maybe she was regretting what   
she had done…maybe she was feeling guilty…?  
  
No…he shook away that thought. He didn't care about Usagi. Why   
would he? Why SHOULD he? She had ripped his heart out once before,   
and now she had mercilessly stomped on it. And what was the reason   
for that? He had been trying to PROTECT her, god dammit!   
  
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, and decided to let   
himself calm down, before anything else. What was wrong with Usagi?   
He knew she was unpredictable…but this? It was simply too   
incredulous.  
  
He kicked up a whirl of dirt, thinking deeply as he walked the   
route home. He couldn't be emotional right now. He had to think this   
through, long and hard, even if it killed him.   
  
So Usagi had a troubled family life. The way she'd looked when   
he first walked in…tears staining her perfect face… His heart   
unconsciously wrenched.   
  
He sighed. It wasn't like he had that much of a family either--  
only an aunt and uncle who lived on the other side of Earth. But at   
least he didn't get…beat up. He shuddered, an image of the bearded   
man holding Usagi by the neck zooming across his mind.   
  
Maybe "beat up" was too strong a word, he corrected himself,   
turning at the block.   
  
After all, he didn't actually SEE the man hit her, only   
scream at her with filthy words. Some parents DO that, he reminded   
himself. But it still was a pain for him to realize that Usagi   
didn't have it so simple.   
  
But…what if that man--whom Usagi said was her stepfather--really   
did abuse her? Mamoru frowned, stopping in his tracks. Then he had to   
report this--after he cracked the man's head open, of course. Mamoru   
grunted, his fists already curled at his sides.  
  
No, no…his head warned him, no feelings involved, remember?  
  
He understood that why Usagi had been hysterical--hell, her   
stepfather was basically choking her…yet he couldn't figure out why   
she had been so damn aggressive toward him. He didn't like blowing   
things out of proportions, but shit, he had essentially saved her   
life.   
  
Or maybe his own emotions masked his eyes, causing him to not   
see things for the way they were. He pondered that thought, and then   
sighed.   
  
This was too complicated. He was getting a headache.   
  
He hurried his feet.   
  
  
  
  
Mamoru washed the dishes distractedly; his mind, once again,   
was on the girl who'd changed his life the moment she appeared. He   
closed his eyes momentarily and imagined her face smiling at him.   
His heart thumped peacefully against his chest; a smile grazed his   
lips. Then reality broke in; a flashback of Usagi staring at him   
with contempt in her eyes destroyed his perfect image of her.   
  
He turned off the water faucet, too tired to finish his task.   
He dragged his feet across the kitchen floor and into the bedroom,   
wanting to fall into bed. He wasn't going to have any Usagi-related   
thoughts tonight. He'd had enough of her for one day; he needed a   
break.   
  
He dumped himself on top of the sheets, his eyelids already   
shut.   
  
Ten minutes later, his eyes opened again.   
  
He was suddenly so thirsty. His eyes darted around him, his   
body resisting the fact that he actually had to MOVE to get a glass   
of water.   
  
It was times like this that he wished he didn't live alone.   
A smile cracked his face. Then he'd only need to holler, and water   
would be on its way without him ever having to budge.  
  
He was used to the silence and loneliness…but hell, what he   
wouldn't give to have this place filled with light, laughter…  
happiness. Not that he wasn't happy right now in it, of course--he   
was. It wasn't everyday one came across a teenage boy who had a nice   
place of his own, where he could have all the damn freedom in the   
world.   
  
He turned over, twisting the sheets, his stomach against the   
fabric. But sometimes, just sometimes…he wished he had someone to   
kiss good morning to, someone who could take care of him at times   
like this, someone who was…there. THERE, no matter what happened in   
his life.   
  
He rolled his eyes, and snorted. Wishful thinking. Where was   
he supposed to get a person like that? People didn't just drop out   
of skies.   
  
The phone rang, startling him out of his thoughts.   
  
He raised his hand and reached across to the small table next   
to his bed. He picked up the cordless and placed it next to his ear.   
"Hello?" He murmured, his eyelids shut again.   
  
There was a small pause before someone replied, "Mamoru?"   
  
His eyes shot open instantly and he sat up, amazingly alert.   
"Yes…?"   
  
Usagi's voice reached his ears--sweet, thoughtful, soft…  
miraculously soft. "Mamoru, I…I'd like to apologize for what I did   
today."   
  
He straightened up further, fighting the impulse to pinch   
himself. He had to be dreaming. Usagi couldn't be seriously be on   
the phone AND offering an apology. "Usagi, you--"  
  
"You…you saved me today, one way or another. I just…I'm just   
not used to people doing that. And I overreacted a bit. I'm sorry."   
  
He couldn't help but raise his eyebrows. "Usagi, I'd hardly   
call slapping me overreacting 'a bit'."   
  
He heard her let out a small sigh. "Mamoru…I do not like to   
apologize. And when I do, it's because I truly feel bad about what   
I've done. I hope you won't hold this against me." Usagi was calm as   
she said the words slowly. "And… please don't tell what you've seen   
today to anybody."  
  
Mamoru blinked in surprise. "Why not?"   
  
"Just don't, okay? It's my private life, and I don't want to   
have a bunch of people sticking their noses in where they don't   
belong."   
  
"I get the hint, Usagi," he replied shortly. He was prepared to   
hang up; exhaustion and exasperation on his shoulders at the same   
time wasn't something he treasured. "Since you obviously have   
something better to do, let's say goodbye, shall we?"   
  
"Mamoru--" The word was rushed out. "I…I'd like to go out for   
a walk. The house is a bit suffocating. Would you accompany me?"   
  
A yawn escaped his mouth before he could stop it.   
  
"Oh, you're tired. Then I'll see you la--"  
  
"No! " He rubbed his eyes, willing away his sleepiness. "I'm   
bored anyway," he lied. "I'll go."  
  
"I'm leaving for the park the second we hang up. I'll see you   
there…under our tree."   
  
Before he could even open his mouth to verify, the other end   
clicked off. He stared at the cordless in his hand for a full minute,   
and finally smiled, at her confidence and at his foolishness.   
  
He'd never changed so fast in his life.   
  
  
  
  
Mamoru arrived at the park, just a tad out of breath. The night   
was especially dark, and he squinted his eyes until he spotted Usagi's   
slim form, slouched against the tree.   
  
Their tree, Usagi had said. It brought a quick grin to his face.  
  
The cool air swept his cheeks as he trotted over to her, keeping   
on a casual expression.   
  
Usagi's blue eyes looked up as he approached, and the corners   
of her lips lifted slowly. "Hi."  
  
"Hey." He gazed at her, captivated by the innocence she   
possessed. Her hair was put up into two weird buns, with golden   
streams flowing down to her waist. There was no trace of makeup on   
her face, except for a glossy pink reflected on her lips. She stared   
at him with wide blue eyes; eyes that mesmerized him, made him love   
her like he did.   
  
"I don't think I've thanked you. For what you did today."   
  
He lifted an eyebrow as a smile made its way across his   
features. "What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"   
  
She narrowed her eyes amusedly. "What do you mean?"  
  
"You called me--purely on your own, you apologized--for the very   
first time, and you just thanked me…for something that you first   
slapped me for." He came to stand next to her, and placed an elbow   
against the tree trunk to support himself. "I don't believe I've   
ever met this Usagi before."  
  
She rolled her eyes, her lips now stretched into a lovely grin.   
"Don't exaggerate, Mamoru. I don't like to show sentimentality."   
  
"Why not?"   
  
She laughed, turning to him with a glint in her eyes. "You ask   
such ridiculous questions. Why do you have to have a reason to   
everything?"  
  
He contemplated her words, and then shrugged his shoulders. "I   
always did like to understand everything. And I have ways of figuring   
things out…except in the case of Tsukino Usagi."   
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Come on, Usagi…I've known you for almost two months--one of   
which I spent almost everyday with you, yet I still have absolute no   
idea what you are about." He moistened his dry lips. "I want to get   
to know you more, but the moment I open a door, you immediately slam   
it shut and lock it."   
  
"Nice analogy, Mamoru--couldn't have done it better myself." She   
winked at him.   
  
"Usagi, I am serious."   
  
She sighed. "Why does that disturb you so? Doesn't a little   
mystery excite you?" She asked suggestively, leaning closer to him.   
  
"Why does it bother you so much that I want to be closer to   
you?" He replied, ignoring her question, and took his elbow off the   
tree, to face her directly. "It's almost as if you're afraid."  
  
She laughed right out loud. "That is the most absurd thing I've   
ever heard! And believe me, I've heard a lot of strange things--but   
THIS…is unbelievable." She quieted down, noting the serious look in   
his eyes.   
  
"I've hit right on target, haven't I." he remarked in a soft   
voice, consciousness sinking in.  
  
"You know what--before we get any further with your   
self-proclaimed 'understanding' of me, I'm going to leave." She   
turned her heels, emitting a soft scent of baby powder as she spun   
away from him.   
  
"Usako…" he called out, sighing in exasperation.  
  
Amazingly, she stopped. She wheeled around, staring up at him   
with widened eyes. "What?"  
  
He was confused by the look on her face. Did he say something   
wrong? All he did was call out her name… His mind reared, skimming   
through windows of memory.  
  
And then, he blanched. Usako. No, no, no! How the hell could   
he have let that slip?   
  
"Mamoru?"   
  
His gaze faltered. "Uh--what?"  
  
She stared up at him, an unreadable gaze in her blue eyes.   
"Usako…" she murmured softly, a sad smile growing on her face.   
"That's…"  
  
Immediately, he interrupted, panic rising in his chest. "Don't   
read into it. It's just--"  
  
"Your pet name for me." She stepped closer to him, the small   
smile now blooming into a grin.   
  
Seeing her soft expression, he relaxed. But the beads of sweat   
on his back stubbornly stayed on his back. "I didn't mean for it to   
slip out." He stuck his hands into his pockets, and gave her a   
lopsided smile, hoping against hope…  
  
"I have a name for you too," she said gently. "It's Mamo-chan…  
I always liked the thought of calling you that…but just never got   
the chance." She paused, her gaze shifted to the ground. "Or the   
guts."   
  
He gaped at her, so incredibly shocked, his throat closed up.   
She never failed to astonish him.   
  
Kami, he loved her.   
  
Even after all this…after all that painful separation, he   
still loved her. And he always would, he realized, no matter what.   
The newfound comprehension caused a warmness to well up inside him,   
and he found himself wanting to kiss her.   
  
His mouth opened to say something, but then he realized that   
it was as dry as sand, and swallowed visibly. "U--" He cleared his   
throat noisily, disturbing the tenderness he was feeling. "Usagi…"   
he stared into her eyes, and smiled. "Or should I start calling   
you Usako?"   
  
She laughed. "Only if you let me call you Mamo-chan."   
  
He shook his head, rubbing a hand in his face. "Compromising   
works." He flashed her a huge grin, the happiness he was experiencing   
inside now bubbling to the surface.  
  
She giggled, her eyes shining up at him.  
  
His heart flipped. She looked so innocent. So incredibly pure…   
  
This was who she was. THIS was how she should be like, everyday.   
His mind clicked. That was what had bothered him about her--the   
character she presented to the world wasn't authentic. Wasn't the   
real her. His instincts had been right.   
  
He realized now, that she had a face that deserved…happiness.   
Happy. Yes, happy. She deserved to be the happiest girl in the world.   
And he wanted to be the one to make her feel that way.   
  
He cleared his throat. And she was now making him think corny   
thoughts. He cracked a smile over his dry lips.  
  
He suddenly had the urge to tell her he loved her, over and over   
again, that he didn't care why or how they got separated…he just   
wanted to be with her once more. That, as long as she was happy, he'd   
do anything…be it the moon, or the stars…or--or…  
  
No. Of course, that was wrong.   
  
And his rambling thoughts came to a screeching halt.   
  
Hell, his conscience knew better than that. If he did that, he   
was just asking for heartbreak. His shoulders sank. This was the first   
time that he had ever truly loved…and he wasn't able to tell the girl   
he loved what he felt. Again.  
  
His heart still squeezed agonizingly whenever he thought of that   
day…that fateful day here, at the same place, where he had first told   
her.   
  
And he remembered how she had cruelly rejected him.  
  
…  
  
How the world darkened so rapidly.   
  
"Mamo-chan?" Usagi called out hesitantly, seeing that he wasn't   
looking at her anymore…more like looking through her. Her eyes, two   
pools of ocean blue, searched his uncertainly; he felt like she was   
probing his mind.  
  
"Let's not talk about this anymore." He noticed the hardness   
in his voice, and he knew Usagi did, too. He was thankful that she   
decided not to confront it.   
  
Instead, she nodded quietly in agreement.   
  
"Usako, does he always do that? Your stepdad, I mean?" The   
words burst out of his mouth before he could think twice.   
  
She gazed up at him for a few surprised seconds, then turned   
her eyes away, and began to walk, the streetlamp's light shining on   
her hair.   
  
He watched her back, contemplating what to do.   
  
Detecting Mamoru's hesitation, Usagi came to a standstill.   
"Mamo-chan…my personal life is really none of your business." Her   
voice was flat and calm.  
  
He stared at her slim form, knowing he was a step away from   
pushing her to flat-out anger. "Usako…I'm worried, okay? I've   
thought of you ever since I came back from your house. I KNOW we're   
not together anymore, and I probably don't have any reason to be   
asking you this--"  
  
"That's right. You don't." She interrupted rudely, obviously   
wanting to end this conversation.  
  
"Usagi, be reasonable here. You haven't gone to school for   
three straight days." He tried hard to maintain an even tone, and   
stared at her openly. "Obviously, you'll need to clear that up with   
the school. And judging from what I saw today--" He struggled to not   
dwell on the fact that he saw a fleeting look of guilt across her   
face, "I don't exactly think that you have parents who can bail you   
out."  
  
"Get to the point, Mamoru."  
  
"If you'll tell me just what the hell is going on in your   
life--I might be able to help you."  
  
She snorted. "You? Help me? Please."  
  
Exasperated beyond belief, he threw up his hands and rolled   
his eyes. "Fine, have it your way, Usagi." His expression turned to   
one of sorrow, and he walked to her, closing the space between them.   
"You don't trust me. And you never will. I get that now." Gazing into   
her soft blue eyes, he brushed a quick hand over her cheek, surprising   
her. "I don't think I'm quite bored anymore…I'm going home." He   
lingered for a few seconds, and watched her face carefully. Realizing   
that she wasn't going to reply, he shook his head and started to leave.   
  
"Mamo-chan."   
  
He froze in position. A small part of him rejoiced. Somehow he'd   
known that she wouldn't let him go so simply. He slowly turned around,   
retaining his nonchalant expression.   
  
"Don't do this. You're the one person that--that I've actually   
gotten close to here. I want you to always think of me as this crazy   
blond girl who has a 'mysterious' side to her…" She smiled softly,   
gazing at him with a tender light in her eyes.  
  
"What if I want to know more about this girl, so that I can be   
a part of her 'mysterious' life?" He asked softly.  
  
She lowered her eyes, biting her bottom lip.  
  
A moment later, she walked to him, a gentle smile on her face.   
"How about we take a walk first?"  
  
He stared at her, loving the way she was looking at him.   
"Sure."  
  
They walked abreast on the stone path, silence between them.   
  
His palms were sweaty in his pockets, and he glanced at her now   
and then, wondering what went on in her mind. She seemed unsettled,   
her lips in a small pout and her eyes focused on the ground. His ears   
picked up on the sound of a squirrel rustling in the trees, and he   
looked up instinctively, his eyes hunting in the darkness.   
  
He thought he saw her smile.  
  
"I wish we could do this everyday, Mamo-chan." Usagi spoke in a   
hushed tone, turning to him with a sparkle in her eyes. "Just the two   
of us…walking freely in the park." A light laugh escaped her mouth.   
"It almost sounds like a movie title!"   
  
He laughed with her, unable to come up with any decent reply.   
  
They continued along the path, the sound of crickets the only   
noise in the darkness.   
  
"My stepdad's name is Satzuki." Her voice broke the silence,   
just barely.  
  
He turned to her, surprised.  
  
She gave him a small smile, understanding in her eyes. "He   
doesn't do those things…on purpose. He can't control it sometimes.   
He's a real sweet guy really--he was there to comfort my mom when my   
father disappeared."   
  
"Disappeared?" Mamoru echoed.  
  
She nodded. "I was just nine." Bitter memories came back to   
her, and she wrapped both her arms around herself, seeking comfort.   
"My dad never came home that day. The police declared him dead a few   
years later. Mom never got over it. She was like a total stranger…I   
didn't know who she was at all. She wasn't my mom--just this woman who   
lived with me."   
  
Mamoru considered reaching for her hand, but denied the thought,   
not wanting to take any chances. He stayed silent and let Usagi   
continue.   
  
"And then he--Satzuki came, and suddenly my mom was the old her   
again." Usagi pulled away a piece of hair that was stuck on her cold   
cheek. "They got married, and…I'd thought everything would be the same   
again." She laughed then, a sour sound that chilled him.   
  
She flipped a pigtail to her back, and glanced at him, her eyes   
exploring his intensely. "But of course, I was just kidding myself."   
She looked away, narrowing her eyes. "We found out not long afterwards   
that he's manic-depressive."   
  
"Manic what?" He couldn't help but interject, confused.  
  
She smirked at him. "Of course you wouldn't know about it…you   
have the perfect life."   
  
He was about to cut in to protest, but she went on before   
sentences could form at his mouth. She shook her head, rolling her   
eyes. "I CAN explain all that crap about this illness, but I'm not.   
In short, it's something that causes one to have mood swings, ranging   
from being manic to depressed…"   
  
"But why would he…do that to you?"  
  
"He abuses drugs and alcohol, and he takes out his anger on any   
and everything in sight." She ended her sentence abruptly.  
  
He exhaled largely. "So it's something he has. I thought he   
was…"  
  
"Crazy."   
  
Mamoru watched Usagi closely, stopping himself from uttering   
further words.  
  
"He IS crazy." There was slight hatred in her eyes. "And it's   
because of this, my mom and my brother always get hurt…" Her voice   
cracked, and there was obvious pain on her features.  
  
Too surprised to do anything else, he stared at her dully.   
This had to be the first time that she had shown any signs of   
vulnerability. He had no idea that it was even possible for her   
to feel vulnerable.   
  
She wiped at her face--if there had been a tear there, it was   
gone even before he could blink. "You look shocked, Mamoru--what did   
you expect to hear?"   
  
He tightened his eyes, a chill running through him. "Nothing   
like this."   
  
She laughed, lifting her head to welcome the wind as it blew   
against her flushed face. "Well, now you know. You know what kind of   
ugly life I lead."   
  
He shook his head, looking at her firmly. "You know that this   
isn't your fault, right?"  
  
She didn't reply.   
  
They strolled forward for another silent minute.  
  
He debated what to say, enjoying the feel of her warmth beside   
him. "Where were your mother and brother today?" He asked suddenly,   
curious.  
  
"Shingo's never home." she answered, "He's a tough kid--I never   
have to worry about him. Which is good, since I have more than my   
share of worrying." She stopped to fix her messy hair.  
  
"And your mom?"   
  
She glanced at him, irritation in her eyes. "What business is   
it of yours?"  
  
"Usako, I'm just trying to--"  
  
"My mom is in the hospital, Mamoru, okay?" Usagi snapped, her   
voice higher than usual, "She was BEATEN by her own husband, she has   
bruises all OVER her body, and so now she's lying in the HOSPITAL.   
Is that what you wanted to know? Are you SATISFIED now?" And then,   
before he knew it, she broke down, her face crumbling right before   
him. Tears poured down her cheeks as she started to sob   
uncontrollably, her body shaking all over.   
  
"Usako…" He recovered quickly from his shock and murmured her   
name painfully, not quite know what to act. Then, without thinking,   
he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her tightly, then   
planted a small kiss on her head. "I'm sorry…so sorry…"   
  
He felt her hug him close, and he closed his eyes, wincing at   
the sound of her soft cries. He wanted to do more, to wipe away her   
pain, if only temporarily--but he knew there was little he could do.   
Therefore, he simply held her.   
  
Her sobs turned to soft sniffles, then stopped altogether.  
  
He expected her to wrestle out of his arms, but he detected   
no motion from her. She seemed to be content in his arms.  
  
He loved the way her hair looked under the soft light, and he   
especially loved that he could put his nose in it, and take in the   
pleasant scent it offered. He wanted to stay this way forever…but…  
This moment was just that--a single moment, and he knew that things   
were going to complicate, and then…he could never quite grasp a   
moment like this ever again. He sighed silently as he closed his   
eyes, wandering why things could never be simple for him and the   
girl he loved.   
  
After a while, he felt her shift in his embrace. "Usako…?"   
  
She lifted her head out of his chest, and stared up at him,   
greeting him with a flushed smile. "My dad used to call me that…"   
Her smile widened into a grin. "That's why I was so surprised when   
you said Usako for the first time."   
  
"Oh…" He smiled back. "I could stop…"  
  
"No!" She shook her head firmly. "I like the way it sounds   
coming from your lips." Then she lowered her eyes, a blush over   
her cheeks.   
  
He resisted the urge to kiss her right then and there.   
  
She lifted her chin, locking gaze with him. And that was   
exactly when they both became aware of how close they were. For a   
moment, no one moved. Mamoru's pulse quickened unconsciously, and   
he suddenly began to sweat, his breaths coming quick. "Usako,   
maybe we should go--"  
  
"Mamo-chan." She whispered his name, and he froze.  
  
Her enormous blue eyes hypnotized him, and he knew he never   
wanted to look away. "Yes?"  
  
She inched her face closer to his, making him dizzy as he   
stared at her. She opened her mouth, and the numbers of sweat   
beads on his back amplified. He strained his ears to hear the soft   
words she uttered. "Be mine…once more?"   
  
And before he could realize the full meaning of her words,   
her eyes had closed, and she was moving ever closer. His eyelids   
involuntarily shut, and suddenly, their lips met, igniting sparks   
great enough to cause a fire.   
  
  
* * *  
  
All right, all right! So the last part was a bit…cheesy and totally   
does not go with the overall mood of the story, but I didn't know   
how else to write it. =D   
  
Drop me a line, please. 


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